Merry Christmas!

"God bless us, every one."


It's been a while, hasn't it?

Things I'm Thankful For:

* I got work off of Job1 and Job2 this next week so that I can go and visit The Franchise's family.
* I'm really looking forward to it.
* I have time to read. (My latest was Tuesdays with Morrie. I liked it.)
* I get to hang out, eat food, watch a little football, watch Christmas movies, and relax.
* I get to wrap presents. :)
* I get to play the piano and sing!
* I get to play my flute. (Wish me luck on upcoming Wind Ensemble re-auditions.)
* No more finals!
* I get to be with my family for Christmas, and with The Franchise shortly thereafter.
* People I love are patient with me.
* I have people that I love and that love me.

P.S. Congratulations to the BYU and Utah football teams on their bowl wins.


December the 3rd


Breathe. Just breathe.



You may not believe me, but this title is not in jest.

I am a fan of BYU football.

No, I am not lying.

For those of you who may be scratching your head in confusion, let me help you out. Notice the placement of the word 'football.' Notice that it's there. I still say that Current School of Choice is the best place for me to be. School and football are not necessarily the same.

I was, however, raised in the home of BYU football fans. I happen to be spending a lot of time with an avid BYU fan. It's amazing how easy it can be to become interested in the things your interest finds interesting.

For those who may be confused as to why this is very significant in my life, let me somewhat briefly sketch the background.

I started piano lessons when I was five. When the kids my age were learning to play sports, I was practicing the piano. When I was in junior high and high school, I picked up the flute and was involved in a bit of drama. Still no interest in football. I have memories of watching my normally very composed and mellow father get excited, jump up and down and yell at the TV while watching a BYU game. Can we say....bewildering?

My freshman year at the Y, I was taking 16-ish (I think...) credits, was working part time, was on the swing team, and was in the marching band. I dove into all of this not having any sort of concept of the time involved with all of these things. Especially marching band. I'd plan to catch up on homework on a particular Saturday, only to have forgotten that it was a Game Day. Marching band steps off to do pre-game stuff an HOUR before kickoff, and is required to stay until the very last moment of the game. I hadn't been planning to take an entire six hours (or more, plus the six hours of rehearsal during the week) out of my Saturday to freeze to death (I also had very severe anemia). I knew that each team had an endzone, and that they were trying to get the ball to the opposite endzone to get a touchdown. That was about all I knew. Then, I'd get to the game and look around me. I'd see fans that were out of control about the goings on of the game. I quickly got to thinking that football was just an excuse for men to go back to their neanderthalic roots, and I was NOT impressed. At all. I vowed to never attend a live football game ever again if I could help it.

To make things a little shorter here, I reached the low point of my bitterness, and started to find myself a little curious. What could draw people so strongly? Why would people arrive at my place of employment (a bookstore) wearing [team's color] head to toe and still happily spend hundreds of dollars for more stuff?

Almost a year ago, Scottro hosted a football party. By this time, I'd decided that enough was enough, and that if I was going to function in the world, I needed to be able to have a basic foundation of what this sport was all about and why it ran peoples' lives. Figuring that there would be people there that I respected and that had the potential of being knowledgeable and helpful, I decided to go. (Great chili and other friends being there helped too, of course.) Much to my amazement, the men in the room did not act like neanderthals! Even better, they were willing to answer my questions! They were able to cheer, and be quite excited, but they seemed to be somewhat dignified about it. And they weren't annoyed with me, either. I was SO pleased, and had a great time.

Fast forward about five months. I started dating The Franchise, and things seemed to be going well. I decided it was really time to figure out a thing or two about sports. So I bought a cool book. About sports. Learned the basics. That created a framework, so now, I just learn from the best. It's amazing how much of a difference it makes knowing some of the inner workings of the sport. I watched my first whole football game over fall break - USC vs. Washington. It was great! I just watched the entire BYU/New Mexico game this weekend. SO fun. The more I learn, the more I can follow, and the more I enjoy.

Who knew that being a BYU fan could be so...unifying?


I make a very dry martini. I make a very wet souffle...

Okay, so the concert went pretty well. We did not fall apart, despite the fact that the first time the Copland was played all the way through was on stage during the concert. Unfortunately, the Beethoven was the weakest. That made no sense to me, but whatever.

What a bizarre semester. That's all I can say.

Oh, and the Gala concert is this Saturday eve. Should be a lot of fun.


Symphony Orchestra

...is tonight. I don't recommend coming, but I can't stop you if you want to come. We're playing a Copland, a Sibelius, the last three of five movements of Beethoven's Sixth Symphony, and a Weber concerto with Viola solo.

It'll be . . .interesting, to say the least. I'm the most worried about Copland. I don't recall having played it all the way through. Ever.


Concert Tonight!

Wind Ensemble, 7:30. Paula Crider conducting. Should be fun. Student tix are $3. Let me know if you want to come.


One word.

All I can say is, Wow.


Apollo 13

After showing some pictures of my trip to my family, my dad naturally wanted to watch Apollo 13. It's amazing how much more this movie means to me after seeing the Saturn V and Historic Mission Control in person. It's amazing that they did what they did with the technology they didn't have.

Oh. . .and if you're ever in Houston, close to NASA, go to Frenchie's. Good food. I recommend the crepes, if you're not too opposed to mushrooms.


Pet Peeve

To the freshman flute player who has come in during my lesson two weeks in a row:

Strep is contagious. So is the flu. Please, just call Susan and let her know you can't come to flute choir. I'm flying to Houston in a day and a half. I'd really like to NOT get the flu before then.

Yeah...it drives me crazy when people come to school when they're really sick. Especially as music majors. We can't afford to get sick, either!

To all freshmen out there: Going to bed at decent hours is a good thing. Trust me.

I've Got the World on a String

Amusingly, the opinion request was about the new blog format. I got bored with it, switched to beta (thanks, Bawb!) and decided to mess around with it.

Thanks, JB and Eleka.*

LB: I can understand your frustrations with women not taking compliments. My roommates (bless their hearts) have a difficult time with that, too. Especially Shy and Violin. Great girls, but all they can see are their own shortcomings and weaknesses.

Maybe I should write a post sometime on "Why It Seems Women Have A Difficult Time Accepting Compliments." :)

Maybe if guys (in general) were more prone to giving no-strings-attached-compliments more often (like, a LOT more often), girls (in general) would get used to them and would be more ready and willing to accept them? I think sometimes that the rarity of compliments makes for a bit of paranoia. Any guy says anything complimentary (especially a stranger), and our inclination is to wonder, "What does he want from me?"

The non-creepy older (50+) guys at my work are so sweet. This morning, I got "Hey, beautiful, thanks for bringing those books up." Last week, from a different one, I got "I just love your green eyes." They're really nice, and very appropriate. They're excited for me that I get to go out to Houston this weekend. They're my friends. I've had to make myself chill out and say, "They're just being nice, Cinderella. They don't want anything from you." Maybe it's a generational thing. Maybe it's not. The Franchise is really great at being complimentary. :)

*I must admit, Eleka, that I have not actually seen Pay It Forward. I had to Google it to know what you were talking about. :)

P.S. This was not meant to be a repeat of the other post, even though it kind of turned out that way anyway. Oops! :)



A Challenge

I am issuing a challenge:

Help me come up with a way to convince women (as a whole) that we are more physically beautiful than we give ourselves credit. SOOOOOO many women feel fat and "funny-looking," when they should NOT. Like Violin Roommate. I love her, but dang. That girl needs some self-confidence.

Guys, I am issuing a separate challenge in addition to helping me figure this out: The next time you see a woman of your acquaintance that you think is beautiful, I want you to tell her. It doesn't have to be "I think you're beautiful. Want to make out/go out/whatever?" I don't think it matters if you have a SO or not. Do it in a non-creepy way, with no strings attached, and just let her know that you think she is beautiful. Even better. . . say it to the next five women. Or even better. . . tell three different women every day. I cannot fully express the impact this could have on the women you know. And if I had to guess, if there are other guys around when you do this, maybe they'll pick up on it, too. Maybe they'll go home and tell their wives they think they're beautiful. The world would be a much better place - and trust me, guys, you'll reap the benefits - if every woman knew how beautiful she is.

*Edit: I changed half of the grammar, but not the other half. How funny. :D

Amusing Card

I saw this card, and laughed:

"Reasons at Halloween why pumpkins are better than men:"

* They're always there on the front porch waiting for you.
* No matter what mood you're in, they always greet you with a big smile!
* Every year, a whole new crop to choose from.
* One makes a better pie.
* If you don't like his looks, you can just carve him a new face.
* If he starts smelling up the place, you can always just toss him in the street.
* Squash is a source of beta-carotene, and that's good for you.
* You know a pumpkin has an empty, mush-filled head from the get go.

And opening the card. . .

*A pumpkin's turned on only when you want him to be.



My head is back to normal. . . sort of.

The spinning has stopped (at least temporarily), but I am getting a cold. Thus why I cannot say that my head is completely back to normal.

To the girl walking down the stairs from textbooks in a skirt that is way too short: "Do you have any idea why that's probably a Pretty Bad Idea?" I find myself getting irritated with women who are dressed inappropriately. "Do you have any idea what this does to the men around you?"

Today's rehearsal was awesome. It was the first rehearsal I think I've been excited for yet, and the time went by SO fast. The concert's going to be pretty cool.

Is Fall Break here yet?

How about now?



*Head starting to spin.*

I just got an e-mail from my mom that is kind of unsettling. I just got a whole lot more to think about.



I am not happy with my body right now.

It won't go to sleep, it feels weird, and I have class in 6.5 hours. There's also a really loud cricket right outside my window, and it's driving me crazy. Rrr.

It's been a rough couple of weeks. I'm trying to decide whether or not I should keep Job2. I have some large-ish purchases coming up, and I don't like the feeling of scraping by. On the other hand, in the non-financial world of my life, it's quite detrimental. I don' t have enough time to practice or focus on the other areas of my life that need my attention.

I am tired of school. I'm just ready to be done and move into a different phase of my life. Plus, this is just a weird semester for the School of Music. It is just... not good. Morale in Wind Ensemble is low. There are just a lot of weird things going on. I don't know. I'm kind of ready for a change. Music is a big part of me, it's true, but there is so much out there. Physical therapy sounds interesting. Lots of things sound interesting. Having a "real" job sounds interesting. Being out of Utah sounds interesting. Going on a mission...does not sound interesting. :)

Bah, humbug.

(I really am doing quite well, though. If my body would behave a little better, it would make my life that much happier.)


Concert Dates

Wind Ensemble:
Sept. 27th (Conducted by Craig Jessop)
The pieces I'm excited for: Ghost Train (Eric Whitacre), Candide (Leonard Bernstein) and an Alfred Reed piece that I can't remember the title of. It's latino-esque.
Oct. 30th
Dec. 1st

Flute Choir:
Oct. 12
Nov. 17
Dec. 3 (Yes, a Sunday.)

Symphony Orchestra
Nov. 1 (Not going to be fantastic, but we are playing Beethoven's 6th Symphony. I like it. :) )

If anyone actually wants to come and needs more detailed info, let me know.

Overdue Topic Number One: Ensembles.

Okay. Here goes some catching up.

First, some background. The World of Music is not a kind one. At all. Especially in Utah. To *really* get anywhere, one has to be willing to devote as much time as possible to one's instrument, and if one's soul is available, it helps to sell that, too. I refuse to do both. However, I had *somehow* (insert eye roll here) managed to convince myself that since I had worked really hard last year and had played the most over this last summer than I ever have any other summer combined, that I'd have "a shot" at things and that I'd be in the "club."

I was wrong.

On the second day of school, while on a short break at Job1, I literally ran down to the music building to check the list. I looked at the Philharmonic (top orchestra) list first. All I wanted was second chair. Nothing. A* (who's graduating this year) is principal (which I'm ok with), and L* is 2nd chair, with C* as piccolo. L* is a freshman who has been taking lessons from my teacher for the last eight years. Hmm. Okay, fine. Principal in Symphony Orchestra (night orchestra)? Nope. Not even in that. At all. Huh. 0 for 2. Okay, Wind Ensemble. At least I've moved up a couple of chairs, right? Nope. Last chair. Again.

Let's just say that I was pretty disappointed. LJ, who was 2nd chair in Wind Ensemble and principal in night orchestra was bumped to 4th chair in Wind Ensemble. She was supposed to be principal again in night orchestra, but couldn't fit it in her schedule, so now I am. It's fun, I guess. The 2nd chair in Wind Ensemble? M*, the other freshman who has also taken lessons from my teacher for the last eight years. Huh. C* is 1st chair of second flute, then LJ, then me. L*, the 2nd chair flute in Phil is also picc in Wind Ensemble. Hmm.

Ah, well. I was pretty upset that day. However, over the last few weeks, I've come to see that it is a Really Good Thing that auditions turned out how they did. It's actually given me so much more freedom than I could have expected. I think it's going to be a really great thing.


It's funny.

I have three things I want to blog about now, but every time I find some time to sit down and do it, I either forget what they were, or I don't feel like it.

Hopefully I'll get around to them soon.


First Day Of School

Just for kicks, I'm going to use a different font.

First day of school went something like this:

Class, class, check the list, make a couple of phone calls. Class. Check the list again. Still nothing. Walk home, eat some food, walk to Job1. Deal with magazines for the first time on my own while dealing with 3 billion people walking through the store. 2.99 billion of those people asked, "Where are the textbooks?" Ran back, got flute, check list, nothing, realized that I don't actually have rehearsal until Friday. Walked home.

"Make up auditions" are today from 2-4, and they're auditioning more winds. I'll definitely know by tomorrow.

I'm trying to NOT fall asleep, because then I won't be tired tonight. That would be bad. I need to get myself on a good sleep schedule. I should go up to school and practice, but I don't want to. Well, I should probably do something besides continuing to ramble.

I also need a haircut.


Complete at last, perhaps.

Tomorrow, Violin Roommate will be moving in. I'm really excited. More on her later.

There will be five of us living here again: Me, Shy Roommate, Negatively Orange Roommate, Sporty Spice Roommate (She's not British, but it fits her...) and Violin Roommate.

Negatively Orange has been driving me a little crazy of late, and she'll come whining to me that "the internet is broken" in a couple of days.

Sporty Spice could be a lot cooler than I'd originally anticipated. I was intimidated by her sense of fashion and seeming to be "too cool." I actually kind of had a real conversation with her today. It was nice. Should I ever have questions on clothing or makeup (ya know...that girly stuff that I sorta have time for), she'll be invaluable. Hmmm....

Shy is that...shy. She's also really, really funny if/when she gets comfortable with people. She is so awesome, but is afraid of her awesomeness and her attractiveness to men. If she *really* understood those two things, she'd be able to turn just about any guy to putty. Seriously.

I'm SO excited for Violin to move in. Our families have known each other for a long time. It'll be really nice, I think, to have a fellow music major (but not competition) in the house. She's so sweet. We'll be able to go to concerts together, and just talk. I have the feeling that we're going to become really great friends. She plays the violin divinely. I don't have enough good things to say about that girl. She's also pretty fashion-savvy, from what I can tell.

School starts on Wednesday. I'm pretty excited, but a little nervous. I want to know what ensemble(s) I'm in this year. At the same time, though, it still doesn't feel like it's time for school. This summer (or was it just this month?) flew by. Other aspects....didn't. :)

The Lord definitely moves in mysterious ways.


Random Thoughts

Marshmallow Mateys are great at 12:20 am.

I am 22.5 years old today. Okay, well, yesterday (if you're going to be technical).

With Job2, and "getting" to go to wedding receptions of more or less close friends and bridal showers of close friends, I've decided there is too much...fluff in the world. I think the world would be a sadder place if it were completely devoid of fluff, but too much is like eating too much sugar without enough real food. : P

Going to said bridal shower reaffirmed that I only go to bridal showers of really, really, really good friends. Women are great. They are. I have started to click in to why it's important to have Relief Society around, believe it or not. Even with the realization that Relief Society can be pretty great, that is still only one hour per week with that volume of women. I'm really not used to more than that. The bridal shower was fairly overwhelming. This can easily launch into a discussion of "Why Cinderella is feminine, but not 'girly.'"

P.S. If I choose to not go to your bridal shower, it does not necessarily mean that I don't consider you to be a good friend.

There was, in fact, a sunset tonight. It was a gorgeous one. I had a great view, too, being on the 9th floor. *sigh*




In organizing my room today, I've decided that I need to acquire more guy-type movies.


Boys at BYU

After our event last night at Job2, "Jenni" was talking about her freshman boys that she had liked her first year at the Y and how they were all either gone or leaving on missions, and "I just don't know what I'm going to do about the RMs."

Jenni is probably 5'8" or 9" (I'm bad at guessing height), is thin, has long legs, long curly hair, gorgeous eyes and a darling smile. She's gorgeous. She's also really nice. And 19. After mentioning that I had gone to BYU for two years before transferring, and that I had something of a theory on dating down there, she perked up and started asking me lots of questions. So, I imparted what I'd noticed and tried to piece together. I'm going to be making some pretty broad generalizations here, so don't be too offended if you don't fit. Most of the people reading my blog probably don't, anyway.

***Guys can stop reading here.***

I've noticed that guys tend to be 50% chicken and 50% very, very cocky. They also like being in charge. They also often act like kids in a candy shop, since there are so many attractive girls around. They like knowing whether or not a girl is interested.

While I was there, I was not great at masking if I was interested in a guy or not. I kept hearing a lot of advice to women: "Men are not-so-smart and quite oblivious. If you like a guy, let him know!!" In case anyone's wondering, this does not work. It seems to threaten the guy's masculinity, and more importantly, strips the "chase" aspect of things. All of a sudden, the guy no longer needs to "waste" time on you, because he already knows you like him. You may have become part of his "harem." (I'm also pretty convinced that if a guy has at least half a brain, half a sense of drive, is relatively good looking and at least a little talented, he will have no less than five women following him around.) The 50% chicken comes in when he "knows" (or thinks he knows) that you're not interested at all. Instead of pursuing to find out, he'll jump ship. (This isn't necessarily a bad thing, as there are plenty of men who can't take a hint.)

Also, during my time there, I really did not have a firm sense of self. Like, really really did not have a firm sense of self. So, if I heard my latest crush talking about something that he preferred or didn't like or whatever, I would take that to heart and adapt as immediately as I could. I still do this to a smaller degree. However, what I didn't realize is that a lot of guys like it when you challenge them on things. They like it when you have your own opinions about things, and reasons why. I think guys were subconsciously picking up on my willingness to become what I thought they wanted me to be. Girls, don't do this. I'm pretty sure they also picked up on my subconscious "Dang, I'd realllllly like to be in A relationship."

Another part of the 50% chicken is that you can flirt like MAD with most guys in Provo, and they will not ask you out. (It was really odd when I moved. I could have a great conversation, sparkage and all, and guys would actually *gasp* ask for my phone number! Can you imagine? Not only that, they'd actually CALL! It was amazing.)

So, since I didn't have to worry about actually being asked out, I decided to test my hypothesis. Next time I was around a guy, I would give 50% "I'm TOTALLY into you" vibes and 50% "Ehh....I'm not so sure" vibes. On a more personal note, I had also done a lot of soul-searching, and had gained a much much firmer sense of self. I also told my subconscious to change its opinion. My conscious and subconscious were on the same page: "My life is just fine without you. Why would I need you around, anyway?" (Just giving off that vibe does wonders. )

Voila! It was amazing. The poor soul couldn't tell if I was interested or not. I'd definitely piqued his curiosity, but he wasn't gutsy enough to do anything about it. (In all honesty, I can't even remember who it was. I just remembered the reaction.) I was surprised and pleased with the results, and decided to keep trying it out. It kept working.

Since discovering this and putting it to use, I have not lacked for male friends or interests. Yes, it even works on non-BYU guys. Thankfully, I don't need to employ this anymore. I do still need to be careful, though, as I'm told that I'm flirtatious even when I'm not trying.

Anyway, the conversation with Jenni ended something like this:

Jenni: "Okay, that's awesome, and I understand all of that, but now what I'm concerned with is how do I get the date in the first place?"

Me: "Trust me, hon. You won't need to worry about that."

Maybe she will. She is, after all, nice.


I. am. tired.

In case the title wasn't a subtle enough tribute, I. am. tired.

I've learned that I can only push my body's sleep and stress boundaries so far before it starts sending warning signals that it will, in fact, shut down if I continue. Shut down = Get sick enough to knock me out for a few days, forcing me to rest and get better. It was reaching that point on the good ol' 24th, but I gave it a few days of nothingness in Idaho. Surprisingly, my sore throat is still around, and my neck muscles are still quite sore.

The last 5 weeks or so have been really, really good. However, I've been averaging approximately 5 hours of sleep a night. My body prefers eight. It's taken its toll, but been very worth it. Sadly, I will not get to sleep on a bed tonight like I'd anticipated. On the flip side, though, my laptop (thanks to my wonderful father) is now updated and secured and all that good stuff.

I like Hometown. I grew up here. I know lots of people here. CollegeTown, though, is feeling a lot more like home these days. It's nice to feel like I want to go home, and to have that be not my family's house. (CollegeTown, by the way, is not really a college town. Thank Heaven.)

Ok. Time for bed. Good night.


What the...?

An e-mail I got from my Elders' Quorum President:

(Subject: Missed You)


I'm sorry you couldn't make it to the Elders' Quorum activity
tonight.It was fun to be able to serve the sisters. Hope all is
well in you[r] life.

What on earth? Coming from the EQP, I might expect "We missed you at church on Sunday." He and I aren't really even friends. We're barely acquaintances. Is he being a zealous EQP? Is he trying to hit on me? What's the deal? I don't get it. I don't really even go to Enrichment, let alone an EQ activity involving washing the sisters' cars. *Shrug* I was on a double date. Hmmm. Double date with The Franchise who happens to be leaving soon.......EQ activity......double date.....EQ activity.....Um, yeah. I think I'll be spending time with The Franchise before he leaves. Not even a hard decision. :)


I just watched my first two episodes of the first season of 24. I can see why almost everyone I know is addicted to it, and I can see why Jack Bauer rocks.

The Franchise is awesome.



I just finished reading the book Inkheart. It's a children's book that has been on the Bestsellers list for a while. My brother and sister liked it, so I thought I'd give it a shot. It was ok. It's the story of a girl and her father who are able to pull characters out of their respective books when they read aloud. It was cute, but too long, and not fast enough. The ending also left something wanting. *shrug* I'm done, and now it's time to move on. I'll probably get back into that sports book I purchased not too long ago.

Yes, I purchased a book about sports. I figure it's about time for me to learn a little, since I'm dating Someone who is WAY into them. He seems to be willing to teach me, but I'd like to have at least a basic understanding. It's called The Smart Girl's Guide to Sports. It's great. Despite my father's best efforts (and even, once or twice, my mom's), I did not understand what a down was. Now I do. :) For the first time, probably ever, I'm actually looking forward to football season. This is new for me, but I'm sure it will be good for me. Expanding my horizons, ya know, and all that. It's too bad, really, that The Franchise will be in Houston. I'm sure his experience and expertise would be quite valuable.


Oh? (With raised eyebrow)

I have to think, "Ha! I'll show you, music people!" instead of, "Oh, no! Will I be good enough to make Wind Ensemble and Orchestra?" Thinking the latter so much is not going to bode well.

So there! (At least it's a good start...)


"'Lucius turns and screams.' Ahhhhhhhhh!"

There is a stranger living in my house! She's cute, tan, exotic, wears short skirts, has perfect hair and loves U of U football. This will take some adjusting. She doesn't even feel like a roommate. She feels like someone who's staying here for a few days or maybe a week. This could be interesting. Today was only the second time I've actually seen her, and it was for about 10 seconds. *shrug*

After talking to a co-worker today, I realized that my life is pretty good. She's fighting several uphill battles, and it's about to get harder for her. She's a single mom with two kids. They're visiting their dad for the summer, and one of her kids wants to stay with him. If he does, she'll lose child support, which is half of a house payment. Her mom's getting sicker, and it's getting harder to take care of her. Not only are these taxing on her financially, but she's hanging on by a thread emotionally. I'm sure I'm not even scratching the tip of the iceberg. That woman is barely hanging on, and I don't know how she does it, but she absolutely amazes me. Her courage....just...everything. I really have so much and have been so blessed. I don't deserve it.

"Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says otherwise is selling something." (Oops! Quote now corrected.)


Can you sail under the command of a pirate, or can you not?

Ohhhhhhh NO. Of the three of us that will continue to live in this house, I seem to have the strongest perceptions of people. I'm irritated that I didn't get to meet New Roommate in advance, because I probably would have put my foot down and said no. Maybe I'm jumping to conclusions. Maybe I'm not being fair. Maybe I just need to get to know her. At this point, I'm feeling like I would rather have paid extra rent for the month of July. :P Negatively Orange Roommate seems pretty excited about her, and probably convinced Shy House Manager to let her move in, since we "needed" a roommate in four days. Maybe it's just the half-naked, tattooed men (blech!) that are moving her stuff in. No, they're not from a moving company. Even Other Engaged Roommate gave me the "eye." I am SO glad that I now live in a room that has a key to it. Grrr.

Life has a funny way of throwing things at you that you're not expecting. I'm also pretty sure that God has a pretty good sense of humor. I couldn't have imagined that life would be as good as it is right now. Even with my shaky feelings about the new roommate, it'll work out. (I hope she doesn't mind my practicing!) School, jobs, moving, loving, practicing, talking, being with, teasing, tickling, kissing, summer, books, movies, lessons, beautiful weather, trusting, hugging, walking, yeah. Good, good stuff. It'll work out. Life has a funny way of working out the way that it's supposed to, whether or not it coincides with how WE think it should work out.


Oh, what a beautiful morning, oh, what a beautiful day.

The sun is shining brightly, it's not too hot, and I have the swamp cooler on. I'm eating some good lunch, may put on a movie, and will most definitely practice. Life is good.

As of tomorrow, Missionary Brother will have been in the MTC for three weeks. It's pretty awesome. He's starting to get things in his new language, which is good. He's been kind of frustrated. He's already in a leadership position, and from what my mom says, a lot of missionaries look up to him. He's such a good kid.

I think that "snicker boy" got the hint (thank Heaven!) that I'm not interested. He hasn't called since we went out.

I'm moving down to the bedroom on the ground floor this weekend. I'm kind of excited. It's nice to change things up a bit from time to time. I even have a skeleton key for my doors. :)

Cars was very fun, and the company was quite enjoyable.


Snicker....the LAST stand

The picnic was sacked because of inclement weather, which I was very pleased about. We had ham sandwiches in the car and then saw X3. Yes, I liked it just as much the second time. Hugh Jackman is a very attractive man on many different levels. So, even though the date was boring, at least it's over, I got to watch the attractive men in X3, and it wasn't an evening gig. I still have plenty of time to practice.

I'm so tired of boring and/or awkward dates. It's just not worth it. With some people, I can talk with them for hours, and it's not nearly enough time. With other people, it's like pulling teeth to maintain a decent conversation, and I'm so grateful when the previews start. And no, I'm not impressed when you're 23 or 24 and have decided that it's finally time to get serious about school. To each their own, but sorry. Not attractive.


I think I might be allergic to lameness.


snicker, part II

Turns out Ambrosia was right.


Those fingers in my hair....that sly, "come hither" stare that strips my conscience bare, it's witchcraft.

Patience, [Cinderella], patience.

Missionary Brother left yesterday. I can honestly say that Tuesday night was more difficult than Wednesday. Wednesday would have been tougher, but I made myself not cry, and I refused to watch him walk to the other side of the room. I got close. I was choking, but I didn't cry.

I've been more sensitive to life lately. It's good, I think, because I'd rather feel stuff than be dead to the world, but I'm sure it annoys the guys around me. Thank Heaven I've mostly been around family lately.

It amazes me that you can mean so much to some people and other people just brush you aside.

Guy2 is now engaged. He's so happy, and I'm very happy for him. I almost got to meet his fiancee, but she didn't show up while I was at his place. It was really odd last night. I dreamt that he and I were hanging out, and that he kept trying to kiss me. "[Guy2], you're engaged!" "So what?" *shove* "You can't kiss me!" "Why not?" *another attempt to kiss me* *shove* "Hello!! What about J****!?!" "It doesn't matter!" *shove* "Yes it does!! Go away!" *shove* Weird. Funny, but very weird.

I'm starting to get it through my head that Hometown is a completely different world, and that maybe that world is surreal. It's been so nice to be with my family this week, but I think I'm ready to go back to 'real life.'

I think, SC, that fiction vs. reality are very subjective to one's own life. Does optimism necessarily have to be fiction? There are lots of horrible, terrible things in life, but there are also a lot of really good things. Is it worse to ignore the bad things and focus "too heavily" on the good things than it is to overly focus on the bad things while ignoring the good things? I don't think that I'm a terrible person for not being depressed about the starvation that I know exists in the world and being happy that I get to back to work tomorrow (for example). Or maybe I'm missing your point completely?

Sometimes Hometown seems like "reality" and/or "home." It depends on the day, though. Sometimes it feels like someplace to visit and College Place is my "real" home. That's where I work. That's where I go to school. That's where I spend the majority of my time. However, College Place doesn't feel "real" because I live with roommates. It doesn't feel "real," because I know that when school's over, I'll probably move. It's not somewhere I have planted roots. It changes a lot. I'm strung in the middle, I suppose. The people I really care about live in Hometown - my family. I work and live in College Place.

I'm tired and getting rambly. Good night.



There's a kid named J* who took me out a while ago. I can't even remember when. He didn't call me for a long time, which was fine, because I didn't have any interest in going out with him again. He called me about a month ago, and I called him back later, but hung up thinking that he had me mixed up with someone else. He called again tonight while I was at work.

"Hi, Cinderella. This is J*. I met you a few weeks ago at a dance at TS. I meant to call you a few weeks ago, but I've been really busy. Anyway, I'd like to take you out, so how does Tuesday night sound? Anyway, just give me a call back. Here's my number if you don't have it."

I met him at a stake FHE. I have never been dancing at TS. It just made me laugh and I deleted the message. I'm not going to call him back. Were I in his situation, that's probably what I'd prefer. This could potentially be a very embarrassing situation for him, and I really don't want to make more out of it than it needs to be.

I love amusing situations like that. :D They make me smile.

Oh yeah...

I'd forgotten that having relationships "gets in the way" of practicing. How silly of me. Relationships are all fine and dandy in the summer, but what about in the fall when I go back to having no time? Hmmmmmm....


Lunch Dates

Lunch dates, I have decided, make great first dates. Really. There is less money being spent on me, and my date doesn't feel obligated to entertain me for an evening after only having had a conversation or two.

I went with this kid, and only spent an hour in his company. He's nice, but I'm not interested in spending great deals of time with him. He's 24, but you'd almost think that he had just stepped off the plane coming home from his mission. There's nothing inherently wrong with that, but I enjoy people who are a little more mellow. He seems kind of high strung. After his "It'd be really fun to do something again." and my not responding, but waving a smiling goodbye, I'm hoping he'll find someone else to spark his interest and move on. I may not get off that easily, but a girl can hope, can't she?

Guys are SO much easier to interact with, on the whole, when they're "taken."



Mission Brother spoke yesterday in church. It was amazing. That kid is an amazing example to me. It was definitely emotional. Every so often, when we sing a four-verse hymn, he'll start with bass, I'll start with soprano, and we'll work our way up/down, so I'm singing bass (an octave higher) by the fourth verse, and he'll be singing soprano an octave lower. I love that! It occurred to me, as he was sitting on the stand, that I won't get to do that for a while. Weird.

Saw X3 today, and liked it quite a bit. I haven't read the comics, so I didn't know what was going to happen. Lots of twists and turns that I wasn't expecting. This is one series that I don't mind the CGI stuff at all. You can't have X-Men without CGI. Hugh Jackman is one of my favorite actors because he's so versatile and so talented. I liked all the new characters. It was a fun show. I'd see it again.

I also watched Pearl Harbor today. That is not an easy movie to watch, but I'm glad I did. It's amazing to think that actions that affect the entire world come from people. Humans. Fallible, imperfect, often stupid creatures. FDR wakes up (or any president or ruler) and decides to make an executive decision to drop bombs. Men voluntarily sign up to be in the armed forces and go on missions not knowing if they'll come home alive. Serving and defending our country and our freedoms is more important than family, than life. That is incredible. I'm so thankful that they're willing to do that.

"Things" are challenging, but really good, too. I wouldn't have it any other way right now. I'm learning/realizing so much. Like how much I care.


It's 2 am

and I'm sitting here, unable to sleep, even though I haven't slept much this week. I'm pretty convinced at this moment that I am stark raving mad.

However, it's funny how stuff occurs to me, filling my brain, rendering me unable to sleep. It's great, though, becuase I don't have to be anywhere until 1 or 1:30 pm tomorrow. I'm picking Aunt K up from the airport. Unfortunately, most (if not all) of you will never have the privilege of meeting my Aunt K. Being around her and Aunt M makes me remember that I take life too damned seriously, to be honest. :)

Aunt K makes me remember how much I tend to push myself into Dad's side of the family. I hate that I do that! In one way, I love formality, elegance, and all of that. However, if I push too far to that side, the other part of me revolts. "I am so much more zany, interesting and spunky than that, you dork! Stop locking me up!!! I can't take it any more!" I'm tired of being gloomy. I'm tired of being morose. I'm tired of living life as an apology. I like musicals. I'm watching Hello, Dolly! right now. I love that movie. I love the character of Dolly Levi. I need to be more like her. Aunt K's kinda like that, but can't sing as well. :D

Life is WAY too short to take it so seriously all the time. There are definitely things to be taken seriously, but there is so much to enjoy about life. Man.....I MISS theatre. Auditions for Beauty and the Beast were tonight, but I didn't audition. One, I was working. Two, I wouldn't be able to commit to the time commitment. I need to find another show, though. There is nothing like it in the world. It is the biggest rush. Mmmmm.

Man, it is so nice to write this post. This is probably the first post in a while that has really felt like me. I'm feeling all "drastic," (ha!) like getting fake nails or dying my hair a different color or changing SOMETHING. I don't believe I can do the nails thing right now, though, because of Job2. Dang it. Maybe in the fall....

I'm tired of worrying if my spunk is going to intimidate people. "Unfortunately" for them, the spunk is part of the package. I have yet to find a way to not squish it to the point that it jumps out, but I'll get there. :) If people can't handle the spunk, well, it's too bad.

So, the spunk has jumped out again, and just in time, too. :) Be ye warned. > : D


American Idol

Taylor Hicks is the new American Idol, and I have to say that I'm glad. It's about time that 1) a guy won, 2) that he's bluesy, and 3) that he has a great personality.

I'm so tired of the garden variety female vocalist who seems to sound like every other female vocalist. Taylor's different. He has a different sound, and a different vibe. I hope he stays true to his word and doesn't change just because Hollywood tells him he should. He's not the best vocalist to have ever been on the show, but his package definitely makes up for that.

Yay for Taylor!!

Why is it...

...that men seem (in general, etc.) to want/like/love/are attracted to women who are fit/skinny/healthy, but turn around and mock them when they order diet beverages at a restaurant and/or buy them at the store and/or buy 'light' products? I don't get it.

I'm looking for real comments here.


It's a little lumpy, but it rings.

I was going to try to write a somewhat coherent, cohesive post instead of just random thoughts, but that's all that's swirling.

Now's a really interesting time for me. I simultaneously have a pretty good grip on who I am and what I want, but I still have a TON to learn about myself and life and the Savior and the gospel.

I'm really glad that Chilean friend is back in Chile...and that I won't see him for at least a few months, if not a year. He just e-mailed me, though. Ick.

So many things feel good and right and the way they're supposed to be. Contrast in other things could either mean that they're not right, or that I have insufficient information. The frustrating thing is that only time will tell. Have I mentioned that patience is not my strong point?

The more I learn about myself, and other people in general, the more things narrow. I know it's a good thing, but it's simultaneously frustrating, as it increases the number of people that don't fit. Trying to smash a square peg in a circular hole never did anyone any good, except maybe to realize that it doesn't fit. :)

I got to spend some time with Observant Friend over the weekend. He's fantastic, and I adore him, but nothing will ever happen romantically. He's 17 years older than I am, and that's just too much. Even if the age gap wasn't there, we're VERY different. We talked about life and mutual friends. It was interesting to compare notes and to see how many of our conclusions were similar, and what the differences were. He wants to know the link to my blog, but I'm nervous to give it to him. He's an English guy, and even taught at UVSC for a while. I'm always nervous that my English friends are going to critique my blog, even though "it doesn't matter." It's my blog! I shouldn't care, but I do. *shrug*

I think I have a "fear" (for lack of a better word) of being misunderstood. It's so easy to let other things interfere....the way something is phrased, tone of voice, and the context. I realized that I give people their opinions of me instead of letting them form their own. I'll start thoughts out with, "I know this will sound [insert adjective here- i.e. weird, dumb], but...." On one hand, I like being the outsider, but on the other hand, I want to be "normal." I'm probably more normal than I'll let myself believe. I'm going to stop pre-apologizing. I'm going to stop worrying. I'm just going to do my best to be me, and let the chips fall as they may. I spend too much time worrying what peoples' reactions to me will be. I don't think about it all the time, but it's more of an underlying thing that surfaced recently.

I forget how much I like having the house to myself when the sun is shining, a breeze is blowing, and I can just be.


It's been a long, been a long, been a long day.

I'm done for the day (and the semester)!!!

6:30 am - Alarm went off.
7:45 am - Call time for Wind Ensemble. We played at Commencement.
10:30 am - Cut off of exit music.
10:59 am - Clocked into Job1.
3:02 pm - Clocked out of Job1.
3:40 pm - Hung up the phone with Mom.
4:21 pm - Left for Job2.
4:37 pm - Clocked into Job2.
5:00 pm - Served dinner to Wedding Dinner + Obnoxious Guests.
7:30 pm - went to other function to help severely understaffed function.
9:11 pm - Clocked out of Job2.

It's been a really long day, but it's been good. I'm in a good spot in my life, which is nice. It's nice to have school over with. I might have to retake a class, but that's part of life, right?

I've been thinking a lot about my future and weddings and such again, now that I'm back at Job2. I really feel like now is not the time for me to get married. I'm not sure when "now" is, exactly, though. "Now" could be today. It could be this week. It could be this month, this summer, this year. *shrug* I'm totally not stressed about it. I have enough going on in my life that if I never got married, I would do just fine. I know I'll get married (no, for real,), so I don't worry about it. I'm tired of worrying about it. There are so many more interesting things in life to be concerned about right now.

Surprisingly, I'm not all that tired. I think I've been psyching myself out so much about this day that I actually have extra energy. I'll probably clean my room a bit and maybe turn on a movie.

Engaged Roommate 1 and her fiancee had some sort of "fight" last night. It threw a weird feeling into the house, and I didn't like it.

Engaged Roommate 2 walked in commencement last night, even though she doesn't technically graduate until August. I really like her and her fiancee, and I will be sad when she moves out. We're not super-tight or anything, but she has this way of balancing our house. It's great.

I got to chat with Observant Friend last night, and it was really great. He was very kind a few years ago, and spent a lot of time with me, teaching me how to hone my people-observing skills. Now I can hold my own and have things to contribute to him, and that's a lot of fun. He says that I was what he and his friends would call "investment people." He could tell that I was very passionate and wanted a lot out of life and that I would be able to pick up on the things that he had learned. One of the many things that I really like about those skills is that it's not absolutely necessary to have a lot of life experience to be able to use them. Time and experiences help, for sure, but even though I'm 17 years younger than OF, I can still help him.

I'm content with life. Really. I have the feeling that this summer has a lot in store and that it will be different than summers past. I'm not sure how or why it will be different, but I can tell that it will.

I get to go to a quinceaƱera tomorrow, and I am super excited. I'll get to see people that I haven't seen in six years, and I can't wait. Some of my friend's cousins have moved here from Guate. It'll be great. Dancing, WONDERFUL, fabulous, marvelous food that I have missed dearly........YUM. I've been speaking so much Spanish lately with guys at work (RMs) and one of my friends from Wind Ensemble that I'm starting to think in Spanish again. I really should get back into Spanish classes.

I have a huge list of things to do now that school's out. We'll see if I actually do them. :) One thing at a time, right?

*sigh of relief*

Yay. Now I just hope that I don't get sick. My body keeps threatening to.


Lots of thoughts

CT is leaving in less than a week for the summer. I have a lot of thoughts that shouldn't be able to coexist, but manage to anyway.

For example, I've become somewhat attached to the kid, but I think the time and distance will be good. It'd be nice if I could just know where things were going to go, but I suppose it would take a lot of the fun and excitement out of life. I have no idea how I'll respond to this. I'm pretty sure that a good chunk of how I'm feeling has to do with finals. So...when school's over and I (theoretically) have lots of time on my hands, what/who will I think of? I'm not sure what I want. I don't know what to expect. All that can be done is to let life play itself out.


Clothes. *sigh*

We're getting a family picture taken on April 19th. Mom wants us all to be in pastels. I need to have something that contrasts with my fair skin.

I've also decided that I'm going to do skirts this summer. I don't like shorts much, but I don't want to wear pants all summer - too hot. I found the shoes I want. Now the trick is finding a few outfits. I'm not sure what looks the best with what, though.

Anyone want to come with and help me?


It's not so fun...

...to be woken up an hour earlier than you had planned by your roommate blaring hymns and other church culture music sung by enthusiastic, though out out-of-tune missionaries in Brazil.

In her defense, she probably thought I was already gone. Unfortunately, I'm paying a nice chunk of change to hear things (especially myself) in tune. Unfortunately, I tend to continuously cringe when she plays that CD despite the fact that I like the English versions of those songs. Thankfully!!, my ears weren't working well enough this morning to hear the notes that were 1/4 to 1/2 step out of tune. Her CD never sounded better than this morning.


Change has never been easy for me. Living out of state sounds like fun and an adventure, but I've only ever really lived in Utah. It could be difficult for me. I'd cope, though, and it would probably be really, really good for me.

Tomorrow, I will be meeting people that have heard about me and that I have heard about, but I have no idea what to expect. It will be an adventure.

I think I need a new hobby or two.

One of the "bigger" reasons that I've had a hard time is that it actually feels really good. I'm not sure how to handle that.

My life's not the one that's up in the air, but I sort of feel like it.

Do I really want to go to grad school?

It hasn't quite hit me that my brother will be leaving for 2 years. That is strange. I'll be graduating with my undergrad (Hallelujah!), and who knows what else will have occurred?

I like the soundtrack to Good Night and Good Luck. I really liked this film.

I'm tired and am going to sleep now. Good night. Oh, and good luck. :)


dotted eighth-sixteenth-half-quarter

Some might ask, "Aren't you just back to Square 1?"

The answer is definitely "No."


You don't know me.

I think one of my fears in life is not being "enough." I can accept myself, but can others accept me? I worry about not being outdoorsy "enough" or intelligent enough or have enough stamina to do or deal with certain kinds of things. I just figure I'll save people the annoyance of having to deal with me and my weaknesses.

A few days ago, my brain and heart managed, for a few precious moments, to understand what it would be like to be married to someone (I speak generally) and to be very, very happy with them. Unfortunately, I can't recall those moments at will. For those brief, brief moments, I felt what it might be like to be with someone who loves me for who I am, and who I can feel secure and comfortable with, despite my faults and weaknesses, and I can do the same for them. It was a really interesting, great feeling. On a similar note, the thought of spending the rest of my life alone, while there are days that it sounds absolutely glamorous, is not really what I want.

Patience and Faith. You'd think I'd get it by now, but it turns out (heh....) that the Lord still has a thing or two to teach me about those two principles.


I could have danced all night.

Saturday I went to the U.S. DanceSport Championships. It was fantastic. Guy1, for those of you who remember reading about him, took 3rd in Amateur Smooth. He received a scholarship and everything. Impressive? Yes. Does it make me regret ending things? Not at all.

I remembered how much I miss taking ballroom classes. I took 284 twice. The second time was two years ago from this semester. It was interesting/cool/slightly depressing to note that the majority of people that I was on spring/summer team with in 2003 are now on the backup and tour teams. They're competing Gold Bar Paso Doble and Amateur Latin. It's crazy stuff. I miss wearing dance heels. I miss tango hold. *sigh* I watched the little pre-teens and was absolutely amazed.

Had I stayed at That School, things would be different. I would be majoring in Physics with an emphasis in Acoustics. To balance school, I would have dived into ballroom. Looking at the competition, do I regret my decision? Not at all. Would I have been happy had I stayed? Debatable. Might I have met and gotten to know Chapstick Thief faster? Maybe. :-)

CT came to a surprising amount of DanceSport. I typically have really low expectations when it comes to men and art. I assume that men wouldn't want to come to a DanceSport competition unless they or someone they know (like a sibling or a child) were involved. Even the ones that are involved would only stay for the required amount of time by the teacher and then escape as quickly as possible. He stayed. He also watched the pre-teens and youth. He asked questions. Lots of them. He had a hard time leaving. He came back to watch Amateur Latin and Cabaret, after he attended the Swing Dance lessons. Umm, yeah. I am *impressed.* I might have to try something outdoorsy-ish when the weather warms up, or something like that. We'll have to see.

I found out that the kid can cook. Pretty well, actually. It was kind of intimidating. I would *love* to cook more often than I do, but time and money prohibit that. It's definitely something I want to focus on and learn how to do when I'm not in school. I really like it. I also feel helpless in other peoples' kitchens and with their equipment. That may sound silly, but since I don't cook much anyway, I think it's understandable. After dinner, which was really good, we went back to my parents' house and made Strawberry Shortcake. Since my family was asleep, we whipped the cream in my basement. It was a lot of fun, and CT commented that my family has 'excellent taste in video games.' Youngest Brother was highly flattered when I told him that the next morning.

Chapstick Thief fits into my family really well. Last night, he and my dad were on separate laptops at the table, making Mr. Bennet-like comments, which made me and my mom laugh quite a bit. My sister seems to like him, and he and YB share an affinity for Spongebob.

Youngest Brother comes down stairs with SpongeBob Squarepants pajama bottoms.

CT: "Hey man, nice PJs."
YB: "Hey! Thanks! You like SpongeBob, huh?"

Mom and I are laughing.

CT: "Yeah. I really like him a lot."
Mom: "Really?"
CT: "Yeah. Heh. I have Spongebob sheets."
Mom: "That's cool, eh, YB?"
YB: "Niiiiiiiiiice." Big grin.

Major points in my family. Funny.... I like hanging out with him quite a bit.


You give your hand to me, and then you say hello.

I have a headache from lack of food. I'm currently trying to remedy the problem.

That said, my brain is swirling. I have two intense midterms on Wednesday that I'm praying I can be ready for, and I still have to practice. I also have a Mozart project due on the 22nd, just after Spring Break.

In case you didn't read the little blurb at the top of my blog, I am a music major. I love music. I think that it can do a lot of good, when used the right way, and a lot of bad, too. Our world is becoming a worse and worse place. I'm glad that there are people in the world who are willing to attempt to extract the bad. It's definitely not an easy job. For my part, however, I want to try to counteract the bad by inserting more good in the world. I don't care if that good is done on the smallest level - by being a good example to other people, specifically youth. If that good is done by being someone that makes someone else happy by being happy and optimistic, that is great with me.

Depending on your point of view, a major failing of mine is that I choose to ignore the bad stuff that goes on in the world. I know it exists and that it's out there, but if I think about it too much, it really gets to me. I can't understand why or how people can do such horrible things. I can handle the occasional 'guy flick,' but I choose to focus my time and energy on things that make me happy. Life's too short to be miserable. Yes, I'm fine living in my own world and not knowing the details of the nasty stuff that goes on.

Eleka said that I do optimism well. I'd like for that to remain true.


Today is a good day.

My brother got his mission call!!! (No, we don't know where he's going - we're opening it tomorrow.)
Good lesson...I think.
This seems to be going well.
The weather has been GORGEOUS.
I have the Phil concert tomorrow night, my concert Friday night, and Saturday and Sunday I get to be "down south."

I have a lot of stuff to do for my classes in preparation for midterms, and the start of the end of semester, but that's okay. Life is good. I just have to remember that if I take it a bite at a time, I can eventually swallow the whale.

I'm so grateful for so many things right now. I can't possibly list them all, so I'm not even going to try.

I hope your day is going well.


Well....Part II

We did have some fun with text messaging.



It was a first date.

Do I need to say anything else?
I had a wonderful time.


Busy day.

8:35 Form & Analysis
9:40 Music History
11:30 Physical Therapy down south
2:00 Wind Ensemble
7:00 Concert
9:30 ish back to the South

8:30 - 3:30 Flute Workshop stuff
5:30 Date

Yes, you read that right. I'm going on a date tomorrow night. Try not to die of shock. :) I decided that I am tired of being ornery about the male gender, and I've had some friends that actually know me decide that spending some time with me would be fun. So, I'm going to go. I'm not going to make any guarantees, but it does sound fun.

Hooray for warm weather!!!


"'Leverage,' says you.

"'I think I feel a change in the wind,' says I."


"Another summer day has come and gone away in Paris and Rome..."

My roommates are giggling downstairs. I dislike that word: giggling.


With the birthday post, I made a decision. I hear too many women (and men) complain when they get older. Worry that they're wasting away/becoming less attractive/etc. So, I decided that from now on, I will only become more and more attractive every year. It may or may not be physically so, but that is okay. :)

Life's just funny and unexpected and busy. I feel bad, in a way, because I have almost no time for friends or dates. I have to practice flute or analyze some Mozart or Beethoven piece or practice my sightsinging or work or attend a concert or go on visits or stretch and strengthen my wrists and eat and sleep and go to church. Most my extra time of late is spent with my family....not that I have much extra time in the first place. *eye roll*

Thankfully, this weekend is a long weekend, and I'll get to see some friends that I haven't seen in person in months. It'll be great.


Happy Birthday to Me...

I just became that much more attractive. You think I'm kidding?

More later. Good night, friends.


O beata Virgo, cuius viscera meruerunt portare Dominum Iesum Christum. Alleluia.

Yeah, I'm studying for my Music History exam. Yipee. :P

Life has a funny way of throwing things at you that you wouldn't have expected. They're definitely not unwelcome, but they're not necessarily welcome, as they tend to complicate life.

I can think of lots of reasons why, and lots of reasons why not.

I don't want to go to work today. My body isn't wanting to function.

Left for today:
Practice with accompanist for audition Saturday
flute choir
Practicing with aunt for playing on Sunday

and somewhere in there, I need to run to the grocery store and find more study time for my history exam tomorrow.



It's a mix.

Take confusion, a bad taste in the mouth (figuratively), peace, happiness in family and a few friends, disappointment, happiness from the performance, impatience, hope, and mix them all together. That's how I'm feeling at the moment.

It's kind of odd.

I had a great conversation Monday night. It was interesting, and I've been thinking about it a lot today.

The Sabrina soundtrack, for the umpteenth time, does wonders for my soul.


Asante Sana Squash Banana

Life is good. *content sigh*

On another note, I bought Michael Buble's "It's Time" yesterday. Yum.


"It's a very nice ball..."

"And... *gasp* When I entered, they trumpeted."
"And, the prince?"
"Oh, the prince?"
"Yes, the prince!"
"Well, he's tall."

My date last night was fine. Not wonderful, not bad. Fine. He's a very nice guy, and we had a great time with the other couple, but there wasn't sparkage.

I'm losing patience with dating in general. I have a date with a guy that I go to school with next Friday, but after that, I don't think I'll go on dates for a while. I have more important things to do like practicing my flute, and things I'd rather do like swing dance. I'm tired of the awkwardness. I'm tired of feeling bad about guys spending money on me. Why does dating have to feel so formal?

SchoolGuy and I had an interesting phone conversation after my date left last night. One of the things that I told him was that I hate being externally forced to do things. After five months of dating my exboyfriend, I discovered that the guy is *passionate* about politics. Since I had been apathetic, I would get my ears talked off for HOURS and HOURS about politics and all the issues that were going on, etc. It was funny how I immediately wanted to register myself as a Democrat and research all the liberal opinions so I could throw them at him, whether or not I actually believed them. He also believed that a married couple could not be 'completely unified in all things' if they didn't feel the same way politically. I do not believe that you have to be conservative and/or Republican to be a good member of the Church. He did/does. I mentioned a few of these things to SchoolGuy last night, and he told me that he used to think that Democrats couldn't be good members of the Church, but that he doesn't feel that way any more. He also told me that he used to feel that passionately about politics but doesn't "as much." ("Right," I think. "You're just attracted to me and don't want to offend me.") Politics don't matter to me. Since they don't, I can't come up with an intrinsic reason to feel any particular way, which will make me resentful when someone tries to force me. He also mentioned that his parents feel that his marrying a staunch Democrat would be almost as bad as marrying someone outside of the Church.

Why can't I just be my own person? Why do I have to be so green and so accomodating? This is why I'm out to become more purply/red without having my guilt kick in. I keep telling editorgirl that I flip purple around her, which is good. Very good. Very healthy. It's actually working, and I'm learning how to do what's best for me and minimize the guilt complex. It's so great and so refreshing. It's slow going sometimes, but I am making progress. It relieves a lot of stress in my life, which is good.

Thank you all for being wonderful friends. If you're still reading, props to you. You're amazing.


To clarify:

My last post had two separate thoughts. My date tomorrow has nothing to do with the 'feeling safe' comments. If I felt unsafe, I would have declined. I think it will be great.

The safety thoughts came as I was contemplating the different guys in my life and why I have either retained or lost attraction to them, and I realized that almost all of the reasons boil down to 'safety.' I try, however, to not pass judgment until at least the first date. *shrug* Every case is different.


It's all about feeling safe, guys.

The trick? It's all about feeling safe. Literally and figuratively speaking.

I'm wondering if I should have declined politely for Friday. I'm sure he'll be great company, but I'm not sure I'm up to par. I will go. It will be great. I'll be okay by then. I'm hoping, anyway.


Happy New Year

Today I:

Made Ham and Potato Soup
Went grocery shopping
Was flirted with by the clerk at the grocery store
Watched Cinderella
Made a good attempt at avoiding my oncoming cold

Will try to:
Practice flute
Pick up my room