If you're still around and reading my blog from time to time (or exasperated that I haven't written in six weeks), I have news for you. I have a new blog address, and it is:


See you there!


Hello, again.

Hi, to those of you who may think I have died. I haven't, so don't worry too much. :)

Becks, I'm glad you had fun in Disneyland. :)

SC, In Defense of Food is great. I hope you thought it was good, too.

I've had a good summer so far. I discovered the farmer's market, which is great fun. I also discovered very quickly that the earlier you go, the better it is. They have some great stuff there! I've been getting to read lots of books. It's great! If you would like to read some of my book reviews, go here. I don't promise that they'll be great reviews (and I need to update that, too), but it's something. I've been reading a lot of things, and having a great time. I've spent some time with extended family (both mine and The Franchise's), learned how to play Killer Bunnies, and have been enjoying the fresh fruit and veggies found locally. I have touched my flute once since graduation (to play in my aunt's ward while I was sick and stuffed up). I'm currently trying to figure out what's next in my life, but all I seem to be getting is "keep doing what you're doing. More to come." Grad school sounds like a bad idea, and the job search isn't going as well as I'd like it to be. I'm trying out new recipes, and teaching myself how to be a better cook. The only downside to that plan is that I don't have a dishwasher. That combined with tendonitis can make doing dishes a bit frustrating. I suppose I'll live, though.

I also auditioned for American Idol this summer. It was interesting and kinda fun, but also one of the most boring experiences of my life. I'm glad I did it. It really helped me realize some things about myself.

1- I find getting up in front of people to be really unpleasant. People are really surprised to hear me say this, since I can converse easily in small-ish groups. But seriously. I thought my stage fright (which got a LOT better during school) would go away after my grades didn't matter anymore. Until I got nervous right before I stepped up to sing for the producers, and I turned to jelly. Then I realized, "nope, still there." This includes doing things like teaching. Anyone. The thought of standing up for 50 minutes and teaching a Sunday School lesson scares me.

2- I'm not really a limelight person. Sure, I can flip orange (take some attention) if I need to, but I like to choose the occasion. I don't like being forced into it. I'm MUCH more comfortable if someone else is the center of attention. Here I am, sitting in my seat trying to endure the auditions, and everyone around me is practicing (like the girl sitting behind me who was SO annoying), and trying to look the best, or stand out the most. I realized after I'd had a chance to process some things that I have a form of what I call "EST syndrome." Est syndrome is common for, but not limited to, people involved in The Arts. In school, I spent lots of time and energy trying to be the bEST flute player. People need to become the bEST dancer, bEST artist, bEST pianist, etc. But it doesn't stop there. How many people (especially women) who have to be the cutEST, sweetEST, smartEST, bEST cook, bEST employee, have the bEST department, be the smallEST, skinniEST, etc. You get the picture, right? After sitting for all those hours at the auditions, I realized that the EST competition is a really big waste of time. Who cares? I knew this before, but it was different to experience it. In the long run, it just doesn't matter. Why waste time trying to prove to other people all my ESTs when I could just be learning to be me and figuring out the things I love in my life? The tough thing, though, is getting out of that mindset. I started piano at a very young age, and have been quite involved with music since then. I'm so used to it that it's become ingrained in my brain. It's nice to realize all this and be able to start going a different direction. After talking with one of my other music friends (and she's going for a D.M.A - a PhD in music, basically), we realized how thoroughly music has consumed our lives. We're both now on the process of figuring out what we actually like to do. I think I'm going to try taking a yoga class or something.

Anyway, life's good. Travel possibilities for the holidays are looking up now, which is good, though we still can't promise anything yet.

My apologies to Brozy and Bawb, who may think we have forgotten them or something. We'd love to hang out again sometime soonish, but are aware of how expensive gas is (especially with how many times you guys were willing to drive up here - you're wonderful). Maybe if The Franchise's schedule ends up mellowing out in the near future, we can hang out again soon.

Thanks for reading!


Nearing the end of June

Last week, I got to go to the happiest place on earth with my husband and my family. We had a great time! I was lucky enough to get to plan most of the vacation since my mom hasn't been feeling well. I bought The Unofficial Guide to Disneyland 2008, and got to work. It was a very useful outlet for all of my Disney enthusiasm. Since we knew we'd be pushing my mom around in a wheelchair, I researched all the special entrances for rides. I also planned the morning touring plans (the trick is to get there way early), and made dinner reservations. It was fun knowing a few more tricks of the trade, and it made our time more enjoyable and efficient. For most of my family members, we realized that the best way for us to do Disney is to get up really early and do a great morning tour. Then around 11, we go back to the hotel and crash -- sleep, relax, etc. -- until about 4 or 5 pm. By this point, there are definitely more people leaving than coming into the park, and the heat starts to cool off.

One of the days in the park, we got to hang out with some of my husband's family, which was great fun! As she mentioned in her blog, my sister-in-law and I got to talking about children and marriage and peoples' expectations. While we realize that people care about us and want to know what's going on and how we're doing, extensive questions about marriage and children (frequency and number) can get tiring. I was surprised, but not necessarily relieved to find out that the asking thing isn't just a part of the culture of the state that I live in. It happens all over in Mormondom. I almost thought this would be comforting, but it isn't. Oh well. Better to have people care than not, right?

Right now I'm still just feeling a little lost and am trying to figure out what my next step is. I'm currently applying for some new jobs, and, while I'm nervous, I'm excited about learning new things and having different opportunities.

Also, when my current bosses and co-workers are asking if everything's okay at home (it's more than okay -- it's wonderful) when I'm being "not my usual chipper self" at work (work's been more than a little hellish lately), it's time to get some new co-workers who don't feel quite so comfortable. I suppose it's my own darn fault for being so willing to give personal information out.

Life's good, though. It's quite hot in our apartment, but that's okay. We'll survive somehow.

In the mean time, I'll try not to roast, and look for jobs. And maybe watch some 24.


Friday, May 23, 2008

I can't believe it's the 23rd already. I graduated three weeks ago (and managed to get Bs in the two classes I thought I was going to fail), and my brother comes home a week from tonight. We get to go to Disneyland in not too long, which I am really excited about. My family has relegated the planning of the trip to me, which is really fun. It's definitely a more constructive way to harness my super-excited energy.

Being out of school is GREAT. I love not going to class every day and dealing with my professors. I love being able to basically do what I want when I get home, without having the guilt of knowing that I should be practicing or doing homework.

Recently at work, I thought there would be a good opportunity to move up and get a full-time job, so that I could get a bit of experience before going to grad school. Unfortunately, the opportunity that opened up is not one that I'm interested in, so I need to dive back into my resume and get that going again. I know there's something for me out there, but I need to be patient (which is not something I'm good at) and trust that things will work out.

At least I can say that I'm married to one of the greatest guys ever.


As of Monday, May 5th:

* I did get the iPod Touch. It's fun.

* I have unofficially graduated. I say unofficially because I went through the requisite ceremonies and stuff, but I refuse to believe I've actually graduated until the Main TA of the Online Class gets my grade changed, and my other professors post their grades. I need to hold my diploma in my hands to be able to know for certain that I did, in fact, graduate. There have been too many weird things happening for me to feel at ease until I hold the diploma.

* I need a full time job. Preferably one that pays benefits, is 8-5, and is close to where I live. I would also appreciate not being bored to tears every day. There are a few things opening up at Work currently, but the only positions I'm currently interested in there would need to be created for me. I don't see this as likely, so I will only stay there until I find something better. And full time.

* I highly recommend the book In Defense of Food. It has almost completely changed the way I think about food. Very interesting.

* I am so glad the weather has decided to be nice.

* Now I can finally think about my brother coming home, and our family vacation in June. It's going to be awesome.

* I will be making pork chops with raspberry glaze, asparagus, and red potatoes for dinner. Cooking is fun!



Today at work I was basically told by my department that I'm liked so much by Director and Associate Director because of my age and gender. I do not believe this to be true.

It does, however, make me want to go out and get an MBA...not just to prove them wrong, but also because I'm learning to understand that business is kind of cool, it makes sense to me, and it's interesting.


Assistance, please?

I need to convince my boss, who is extremely old-fashioned, that I need to use my leftover scholarship funds to buy an 8 gig iPod Touch for "educational" reasons.

Main Reason #1: I'm continuing to be a TA for this online class (if Bawb and Brozy roll their eyes, I will understand and still love them) and I need to be able to access it.

Main Reason #2: It's a lot cheaper than buying a laptop.

Can anybody help with other very convincing reasons he should let me do it?


My Life is Unraveling, part II

I believe that at the time of that posting, I had just mapped out all the things I needed to do before May 1st at 5 pm, and that list was not small. I wasn't so sure that my small readership actually wanted to know all the things. :) Plus, I try to stay somewhat anonymous, just in case.

My life is unraveling, basically because I'm graduating, but more because after I have graduated, it will be time to move on to something else for a while. I don't know what that something else will be, and I have a certain fear of the unknown. All of my life, I've been defined by being a student, and by doing music, and that will all of a sudden come crashing to a close. In that case, what do I turn to next?

After I graduate, I'm hoping to find some sort of a full-time job that will provide benefits, and, if I'm lucky, not bore me to death for eight hours a day. I think it will be heavenly ("trouble is, we only get it on Sundays"... just kidding) to have an entire hour (imagine!) every day for lunch. I'm also considering diving back into the sort of activity during which I met Eric and Fran (and I'm so tickled that you found my blog!!!). However, if I choose to do so at the location closest to me, nobody knows who I am. The Franchise and I have thought about moving to a point between Here and Hometown to make the Hometown version more accessible....especially come December......... *wink wink*, but we're not sure what we're doing just yet. Plus, I'm probably forgetting how much time that takes.

I know I'm interested in a lot of things, and I know that things usually work out the way they're supposed to, but I often find myself wishing that I had a crystal ball that let me know where to go. Ya know?

At least at this point, I have one paper to fix and submit, one final project to finish, one jury to play (that thankfully isn't mine), one other final paper to submit, and to finish grading for my other class. Then, I'm done! Hooray!


My Life is Unraveling,

But I suspect it's in one of those really good ways, that means that a chapter is closing and there's exciting stuff ahead.

Good thing, because these next two weeks are going to be . . . intense.


Happy Time

Well, the senior recital is over, and I have six weeks left of school this semester, and I'm very happy about this. In six weeks, I will graduate and be a free woman! I still have two papers to write, a midterm to listen to, finals to take and opera week to survive, but then I'll be DONE!

This semester, my goal has been to pass my classes. I don't need As. 'Cs get degrees,' right? Yes. They do.

The question I'm being asked the most frequently is, "So. What do you want to do after you graduate?" My answer: SOMETHING that is in no way related to my major. I understand that this is not a common answer. I'm okay with that. I've spent so much time working on the subject and being a student that I'm ready to drop them for now and try new things. A lot of people seem to dread going into the work force, but I'm really looking forward to it. I'm excited about benefits and more money. Hopefully I'll be able to not be bored to tears, too.


As of today...

...the singers *still* drive me crazy!!



What is going on??

I had a very strange day yesterday. I haven't quite processed what's been going on. I've been becoming more and more outspoken, and I find that I like it! Knowing that I have to be more accountable about what I say can be a little scary, but I found it nice to actually say what I think. It was fun, and such a relief! I'm confused, though, because that's not normally who I am. I've historically been the one to go with the flow, do what I'm told, not make waves, etc. All of a sudden, I can't seem to keep my mouth shut about what I think, especially in response to professors and coworkers. The other strange thing is that people are actually taking me seriously and valuing my opinions. This also (and granted, this is just my perception, and is thus a jaded view of reality) is strange. I'm used to being the good little obedient green in the corner, but maybe orange isn't as bad as I thought.

Am I actually changing colors, or what's going on here???

I think that my new favorite movie...

...is Meet the Robinsons.

I love that movie! I like things that encourage kids to be smart, and that movie has so many other things that are great fun.

I think my favorite line, though, is from the T-Rex (as per the mumbling and subtitles): "Well, I have a big head and small arms. I'm just not sure how well this plan was thought through. Master?"



Feeling Out of Place

I don't know where I fit in right now. It's becoming increasingly clearer that school needs to be over as quickly as possible. I don't feel like I fit in Academia anymore (even though I need to finish off the semester and not botch anything), but I don't feel like I'm ready for the having kids and being a mom thing.

(I know that there will be full-time work happening that is not related to my major, which will be a good thing. Preferably 8-5, five days a week, not retail, and not being bored to death.)

Ideas, anyone?


Dear Self,

Remember when you told yourself NOT to read the blogs of friends who have children?

Yup. Lots of them JUST had babies. Since you're still freaking out quite a bit about the prospect, it would be a Really Good Idea not to read them. It will help you to Keep Moving Forward with the semester, which is where you need to be focusing.


Your Self



I really need a haircut.

Good thing I'm getting one on Monday.



Not a good day.

I'm going through a personal growth spurt right now. Not the physical kind, unfortunately. I will always be 5'4" without shoes on. I'm talking the "So....who exactly am I?" kind. Oddly (when I'm not exhausted), I'm finding that I rather like speaking out about things.

Lately, I've been up in arms about how people are treated by other people. I find myself annoyed when people (whether they be bosses, conductors, professors or grad students) think they're better than the other people around them. There's also a kid in band who has a serious inferiority complex, and that bugs me too. I am SO sick and tired of feeling like you have to say certain things to certain people at work, and you shouldn't "be heard" saying other things, or else something bad might happen to you. I understand that having tact is helpful, but I think people should be able to be more open in conversation in general. What is so wrong if an employee thinks there's a serious flaw with the company? Shouldn't that be an opportunity to improve? What if you, oh "high"-paid executive, suddenly found that YOUR opinion doesn't matter? What then? I understand the concept of not burning bridges, but I feel like I'm constantly walking on eggshells. I don't like that feeling. It takes up SO much energy.

I'm becoming something of a "call it as I see it" type of person, but I can't quite get the mixture right.

*sigh* I guess that's what a blog is for.


Happy New Year

I can't believe that January 2008 is finally here. When I applied to Current School, and I filled in "expected graduation" as May 2008, it sounded obnoxiously far away.

"Ha," I thought. "That's never going to come. Ah, well."

All of a sudden, it's around the corner. And it didn't even ask permission. Humph.

Don't get me wrong. I am very excited to graduate. After two years at Former School and 3.5 years at Current School, I'm ready to be done. It's also strange to think that Missionary Brother will be coming home about three weeks after I graduate. The poor kid will have to apply for his schooling while he's still on his mission. He's looking at Former School, Current School, and That Other Big School. I'm trying to convince him that Current School is the way to go, but it may just depend on what scholarships he can drum up.

I, like Nancy, am also approaching a "dot, dot, dot" moment in my life. People are starting to ask what I'll do post-graduation. I tell them that I'm looking forward to a full-time job that is not related to my relatively useless major. Current Job seems interested in potentially creating a full-time job for me to stay. The reason it's a dot, dot, dot, though, is that The Franchise is planning on attending graduate school this fall, and doesn't know exactly where that will be just yet. That's okay. It's an adventure, right? Part of me thinks it would be nice to stick around. Part of me thinks that picking up and relocating would be fun (even if moving and I aren't best friends). Life has so much in store, and while it can be scary, it can also be fun.

I've been blessed a lot in my life, and I know that we'll be taken care of wherever we end up, and that we'll be where we're supposed to be.

I hope that we all can have a good 2008.

Dear Nancy,

When I read your blog, sometimes I feel like we live on different planets. I can't imagine having a baby. Wow.

She is incredibly cute, though. :)