Mission Brother spoke yesterday in church. It was amazing. That kid is an amazing example to me. It was definitely emotional. Every so often, when we sing a four-verse hymn, he'll start with bass, I'll start with soprano, and we'll work our way up/down, so I'm singing bass (an octave higher) by the fourth verse, and he'll be singing soprano an octave lower. I love that! It occurred to me, as he was sitting on the stand, that I won't get to do that for a while. Weird.

Saw X3 today, and liked it quite a bit. I haven't read the comics, so I didn't know what was going to happen. Lots of twists and turns that I wasn't expecting. This is one series that I don't mind the CGI stuff at all. You can't have X-Men without CGI. Hugh Jackman is one of my favorite actors because he's so versatile and so talented. I liked all the new characters. It was a fun show. I'd see it again.

I also watched Pearl Harbor today. That is not an easy movie to watch, but I'm glad I did. It's amazing to think that actions that affect the entire world come from people. Humans. Fallible, imperfect, often stupid creatures. FDR wakes up (or any president or ruler) and decides to make an executive decision to drop bombs. Men voluntarily sign up to be in the armed forces and go on missions not knowing if they'll come home alive. Serving and defending our country and our freedoms is more important than family, than life. That is incredible. I'm so thankful that they're willing to do that.

"Things" are challenging, but really good, too. I wouldn't have it any other way right now. I'm learning/realizing so much. Like how much I care.


It's 2 am

and I'm sitting here, unable to sleep, even though I haven't slept much this week. I'm pretty convinced at this moment that I am stark raving mad.

However, it's funny how stuff occurs to me, filling my brain, rendering me unable to sleep. It's great, though, becuase I don't have to be anywhere until 1 or 1:30 pm tomorrow. I'm picking Aunt K up from the airport. Unfortunately, most (if not all) of you will never have the privilege of meeting my Aunt K. Being around her and Aunt M makes me remember that I take life too damned seriously, to be honest. :)

Aunt K makes me remember how much I tend to push myself into Dad's side of the family. I hate that I do that! In one way, I love formality, elegance, and all of that. However, if I push too far to that side, the other part of me revolts. "I am so much more zany, interesting and spunky than that, you dork! Stop locking me up!!! I can't take it any more!" I'm tired of being gloomy. I'm tired of being morose. I'm tired of living life as an apology. I like musicals. I'm watching Hello, Dolly! right now. I love that movie. I love the character of Dolly Levi. I need to be more like her. Aunt K's kinda like that, but can't sing as well. :D

Life is WAY too short to take it so seriously all the time. There are definitely things to be taken seriously, but there is so much to enjoy about life. Man.....I MISS theatre. Auditions for Beauty and the Beast were tonight, but I didn't audition. One, I was working. Two, I wouldn't be able to commit to the time commitment. I need to find another show, though. There is nothing like it in the world. It is the biggest rush. Mmmmm.

Man, it is so nice to write this post. This is probably the first post in a while that has really felt like me. I'm feeling all "drastic," (ha!) like getting fake nails or dying my hair a different color or changing SOMETHING. I don't believe I can do the nails thing right now, though, because of Job2. Dang it. Maybe in the fall....

I'm tired of worrying if my spunk is going to intimidate people. "Unfortunately" for them, the spunk is part of the package. I have yet to find a way to not squish it to the point that it jumps out, but I'll get there. :) If people can't handle the spunk, well, it's too bad.

So, the spunk has jumped out again, and just in time, too. :) Be ye warned. > : D


American Idol

Taylor Hicks is the new American Idol, and I have to say that I'm glad. It's about time that 1) a guy won, 2) that he's bluesy, and 3) that he has a great personality.

I'm so tired of the garden variety female vocalist who seems to sound like every other female vocalist. Taylor's different. He has a different sound, and a different vibe. I hope he stays true to his word and doesn't change just because Hollywood tells him he should. He's not the best vocalist to have ever been on the show, but his package definitely makes up for that.

Yay for Taylor!!

Why is it...

...that men seem (in general, etc.) to want/like/love/are attracted to women who are fit/skinny/healthy, but turn around and mock them when they order diet beverages at a restaurant and/or buy them at the store and/or buy 'light' products? I don't get it.

I'm looking for real comments here.


It's a little lumpy, but it rings.

I was going to try to write a somewhat coherent, cohesive post instead of just random thoughts, but that's all that's swirling.

Now's a really interesting time for me. I simultaneously have a pretty good grip on who I am and what I want, but I still have a TON to learn about myself and life and the Savior and the gospel.

I'm really glad that Chilean friend is back in Chile...and that I won't see him for at least a few months, if not a year. He just e-mailed me, though. Ick.

So many things feel good and right and the way they're supposed to be. Contrast in other things could either mean that they're not right, or that I have insufficient information. The frustrating thing is that only time will tell. Have I mentioned that patience is not my strong point?

The more I learn about myself, and other people in general, the more things narrow. I know it's a good thing, but it's simultaneously frustrating, as it increases the number of people that don't fit. Trying to smash a square peg in a circular hole never did anyone any good, except maybe to realize that it doesn't fit. :)

I got to spend some time with Observant Friend over the weekend. He's fantastic, and I adore him, but nothing will ever happen romantically. He's 17 years older than I am, and that's just too much. Even if the age gap wasn't there, we're VERY different. We talked about life and mutual friends. It was interesting to compare notes and to see how many of our conclusions were similar, and what the differences were. He wants to know the link to my blog, but I'm nervous to give it to him. He's an English guy, and even taught at UVSC for a while. I'm always nervous that my English friends are going to critique my blog, even though "it doesn't matter." It's my blog! I shouldn't care, but I do. *shrug*

I think I have a "fear" (for lack of a better word) of being misunderstood. It's so easy to let other things interfere....the way something is phrased, tone of voice, and the context. I realized that I give people their opinions of me instead of letting them form their own. I'll start thoughts out with, "I know this will sound [insert adjective here- i.e. weird, dumb], but...." On one hand, I like being the outsider, but on the other hand, I want to be "normal." I'm probably more normal than I'll let myself believe. I'm going to stop pre-apologizing. I'm going to stop worrying. I'm just going to do my best to be me, and let the chips fall as they may. I spend too much time worrying what peoples' reactions to me will be. I don't think about it all the time, but it's more of an underlying thing that surfaced recently.

I forget how much I like having the house to myself when the sun is shining, a breeze is blowing, and I can just be.


It's been a long, been a long, been a long day.

I'm done for the day (and the semester)!!!

6:30 am - Alarm went off.
7:45 am - Call time for Wind Ensemble. We played at Commencement.
10:30 am - Cut off of exit music.
10:59 am - Clocked into Job1.
3:02 pm - Clocked out of Job1.
3:40 pm - Hung up the phone with Mom.
4:21 pm - Left for Job2.
4:37 pm - Clocked into Job2.
5:00 pm - Served dinner to Wedding Dinner + Obnoxious Guests.
7:30 pm - went to other function to help severely understaffed function.
9:11 pm - Clocked out of Job2.

It's been a really long day, but it's been good. I'm in a good spot in my life, which is nice. It's nice to have school over with. I might have to retake a class, but that's part of life, right?

I've been thinking a lot about my future and weddings and such again, now that I'm back at Job2. I really feel like now is not the time for me to get married. I'm not sure when "now" is, exactly, though. "Now" could be today. It could be this week. It could be this month, this summer, this year. *shrug* I'm totally not stressed about it. I have enough going on in my life that if I never got married, I would do just fine. I know I'll get married (no, for real,), so I don't worry about it. I'm tired of worrying about it. There are so many more interesting things in life to be concerned about right now.

Surprisingly, I'm not all that tired. I think I've been psyching myself out so much about this day that I actually have extra energy. I'll probably clean my room a bit and maybe turn on a movie.

Engaged Roommate 1 and her fiancee had some sort of "fight" last night. It threw a weird feeling into the house, and I didn't like it.

Engaged Roommate 2 walked in commencement last night, even though she doesn't technically graduate until August. I really like her and her fiancee, and I will be sad when she moves out. We're not super-tight or anything, but she has this way of balancing our house. It's great.

I got to chat with Observant Friend last night, and it was really great. He was very kind a few years ago, and spent a lot of time with me, teaching me how to hone my people-observing skills. Now I can hold my own and have things to contribute to him, and that's a lot of fun. He says that I was what he and his friends would call "investment people." He could tell that I was very passionate and wanted a lot out of life and that I would be able to pick up on the things that he had learned. One of the many things that I really like about those skills is that it's not absolutely necessary to have a lot of life experience to be able to use them. Time and experiences help, for sure, but even though I'm 17 years younger than OF, I can still help him.

I'm content with life. Really. I have the feeling that this summer has a lot in store and that it will be different than summers past. I'm not sure how or why it will be different, but I can tell that it will.

I get to go to a quinceaƱera tomorrow, and I am super excited. I'll get to see people that I haven't seen in six years, and I can't wait. Some of my friend's cousins have moved here from Guate. It'll be great. Dancing, WONDERFUL, fabulous, marvelous food that I have missed dearly........YUM. I've been speaking so much Spanish lately with guys at work (RMs) and one of my friends from Wind Ensemble that I'm starting to think in Spanish again. I really should get back into Spanish classes.

I have a huge list of things to do now that school's out. We'll see if I actually do them. :) One thing at a time, right?

*sigh of relief*

Yay. Now I just hope that I don't get sick. My body keeps threatening to.