It's not so fun...

...to be woken up an hour earlier than you had planned by your roommate blaring hymns and other church culture music sung by enthusiastic, though out out-of-tune missionaries in Brazil.

In her defense, she probably thought I was already gone. Unfortunately, I'm paying a nice chunk of change to hear things (especially myself) in tune. Unfortunately, I tend to continuously cringe when she plays that CD despite the fact that I like the English versions of those songs. Thankfully!!, my ears weren't working well enough this morning to hear the notes that were 1/4 to 1/2 step out of tune. Her CD never sounded better than this morning.


Change has never been easy for me. Living out of state sounds like fun and an adventure, but I've only ever really lived in Utah. It could be difficult for me. I'd cope, though, and it would probably be really, really good for me.

Tomorrow, I will be meeting people that have heard about me and that I have heard about, but I have no idea what to expect. It will be an adventure.

I think I need a new hobby or two.

One of the "bigger" reasons that I've had a hard time is that it actually feels really good. I'm not sure how to handle that.

My life's not the one that's up in the air, but I sort of feel like it.

Do I really want to go to grad school?

It hasn't quite hit me that my brother will be leaving for 2 years. That is strange. I'll be graduating with my undergrad (Hallelujah!), and who knows what else will have occurred?

I like the soundtrack to Good Night and Good Luck. I really liked this film.

I'm tired and am going to sleep now. Good night. Oh, and good luck. :)


dotted eighth-sixteenth-half-quarter

Some might ask, "Aren't you just back to Square 1?"

The answer is definitely "No."


You don't know me.

I think one of my fears in life is not being "enough." I can accept myself, but can others accept me? I worry about not being outdoorsy "enough" or intelligent enough or have enough stamina to do or deal with certain kinds of things. I just figure I'll save people the annoyance of having to deal with me and my weaknesses.

A few days ago, my brain and heart managed, for a few precious moments, to understand what it would be like to be married to someone (I speak generally) and to be very, very happy with them. Unfortunately, I can't recall those moments at will. For those brief, brief moments, I felt what it might be like to be with someone who loves me for who I am, and who I can feel secure and comfortable with, despite my faults and weaknesses, and I can do the same for them. It was a really interesting, great feeling. On a similar note, the thought of spending the rest of my life alone, while there are days that it sounds absolutely glamorous, is not really what I want.

Patience and Faith. You'd think I'd get it by now, but it turns out (heh....) that the Lord still has a thing or two to teach me about those two principles.


I could have danced all night.

Saturday I went to the U.S. DanceSport Championships. It was fantastic. Guy1, for those of you who remember reading about him, took 3rd in Amateur Smooth. He received a scholarship and everything. Impressive? Yes. Does it make me regret ending things? Not at all.

I remembered how much I miss taking ballroom classes. I took 284 twice. The second time was two years ago from this semester. It was interesting/cool/slightly depressing to note that the majority of people that I was on spring/summer team with in 2003 are now on the backup and tour teams. They're competing Gold Bar Paso Doble and Amateur Latin. It's crazy stuff. I miss wearing dance heels. I miss tango hold. *sigh* I watched the little pre-teens and was absolutely amazed.

Had I stayed at That School, things would be different. I would be majoring in Physics with an emphasis in Acoustics. To balance school, I would have dived into ballroom. Looking at the competition, do I regret my decision? Not at all. Would I have been happy had I stayed? Debatable. Might I have met and gotten to know Chapstick Thief faster? Maybe. :-)

CT came to a surprising amount of DanceSport. I typically have really low expectations when it comes to men and art. I assume that men wouldn't want to come to a DanceSport competition unless they or someone they know (like a sibling or a child) were involved. Even the ones that are involved would only stay for the required amount of time by the teacher and then escape as quickly as possible. He stayed. He also watched the pre-teens and youth. He asked questions. Lots of them. He had a hard time leaving. He came back to watch Amateur Latin and Cabaret, after he attended the Swing Dance lessons. Umm, yeah. I am *impressed.* I might have to try something outdoorsy-ish when the weather warms up, or something like that. We'll have to see.

I found out that the kid can cook. Pretty well, actually. It was kind of intimidating. I would *love* to cook more often than I do, but time and money prohibit that. It's definitely something I want to focus on and learn how to do when I'm not in school. I really like it. I also feel helpless in other peoples' kitchens and with their equipment. That may sound silly, but since I don't cook much anyway, I think it's understandable. After dinner, which was really good, we went back to my parents' house and made Strawberry Shortcake. Since my family was asleep, we whipped the cream in my basement. It was a lot of fun, and CT commented that my family has 'excellent taste in video games.' Youngest Brother was highly flattered when I told him that the next morning.

Chapstick Thief fits into my family really well. Last night, he and my dad were on separate laptops at the table, making Mr. Bennet-like comments, which made me and my mom laugh quite a bit. My sister seems to like him, and he and YB share an affinity for Spongebob.

Youngest Brother comes down stairs with SpongeBob Squarepants pajama bottoms.

CT: "Hey man, nice PJs."
YB: "Hey! Thanks! You like SpongeBob, huh?"

Mom and I are laughing.

CT: "Yeah. I really like him a lot."
Mom: "Really?"
CT: "Yeah. Heh. I have Spongebob sheets."
Mom: "That's cool, eh, YB?"
YB: "Niiiiiiiiiice." Big grin.

Major points in my family. Funny.... I like hanging out with him quite a bit.


You give your hand to me, and then you say hello.

I have a headache from lack of food. I'm currently trying to remedy the problem.

That said, my brain is swirling. I have two intense midterms on Wednesday that I'm praying I can be ready for, and I still have to practice. I also have a Mozart project due on the 22nd, just after Spring Break.

In case you didn't read the little blurb at the top of my blog, I am a music major. I love music. I think that it can do a lot of good, when used the right way, and a lot of bad, too. Our world is becoming a worse and worse place. I'm glad that there are people in the world who are willing to attempt to extract the bad. It's definitely not an easy job. For my part, however, I want to try to counteract the bad by inserting more good in the world. I don't care if that good is done on the smallest level - by being a good example to other people, specifically youth. If that good is done by being someone that makes someone else happy by being happy and optimistic, that is great with me.

Depending on your point of view, a major failing of mine is that I choose to ignore the bad stuff that goes on in the world. I know it exists and that it's out there, but if I think about it too much, it really gets to me. I can't understand why or how people can do such horrible things. I can handle the occasional 'guy flick,' but I choose to focus my time and energy on things that make me happy. Life's too short to be miserable. Yes, I'm fine living in my own world and not knowing the details of the nasty stuff that goes on.

Eleka said that I do optimism well. I'd like for that to remain true.


Today is a good day.

My brother got his mission call!!! (No, we don't know where he's going - we're opening it tomorrow.)
Good lesson...I think.
This seems to be going well.
The weather has been GORGEOUS.
I have the Phil concert tomorrow night, my concert Friday night, and Saturday and Sunday I get to be "down south."

I have a lot of stuff to do for my classes in preparation for midterms, and the start of the end of semester, but that's okay. Life is good. I just have to remember that if I take it a bite at a time, I can eventually swallow the whale.

I'm so grateful for so many things right now. I can't possibly list them all, so I'm not even going to try.

I hope your day is going well.