"It's a very nice ball..."

"And... *gasp* When I entered, they trumpeted."
"And, the prince?"
"Oh, the prince?"
"Yes, the prince!"
"Well, he's tall."

My date last night was fine. Not wonderful, not bad. Fine. He's a very nice guy, and we had a great time with the other couple, but there wasn't sparkage.

I'm losing patience with dating in general. I have a date with a guy that I go to school with next Friday, but after that, I don't think I'll go on dates for a while. I have more important things to do like practicing my flute, and things I'd rather do like swing dance. I'm tired of the awkwardness. I'm tired of feeling bad about guys spending money on me. Why does dating have to feel so formal?

SchoolGuy and I had an interesting phone conversation after my date left last night. One of the things that I told him was that I hate being externally forced to do things. After five months of dating my exboyfriend, I discovered that the guy is *passionate* about politics. Since I had been apathetic, I would get my ears talked off for HOURS and HOURS about politics and all the issues that were going on, etc. It was funny how I immediately wanted to register myself as a Democrat and research all the liberal opinions so I could throw them at him, whether or not I actually believed them. He also believed that a married couple could not be 'completely unified in all things' if they didn't feel the same way politically. I do not believe that you have to be conservative and/or Republican to be a good member of the Church. He did/does. I mentioned a few of these things to SchoolGuy last night, and he told me that he used to think that Democrats couldn't be good members of the Church, but that he doesn't feel that way any more. He also told me that he used to feel that passionately about politics but doesn't "as much." ("Right," I think. "You're just attracted to me and don't want to offend me.") Politics don't matter to me. Since they don't, I can't come up with an intrinsic reason to feel any particular way, which will make me resentful when someone tries to force me. He also mentioned that his parents feel that his marrying a staunch Democrat would be almost as bad as marrying someone outside of the Church.

Why can't I just be my own person? Why do I have to be so green and so accomodating? This is why I'm out to become more purply/red without having my guilt kick in. I keep telling editorgirl that I flip purple around her, which is good. Very good. Very healthy. It's actually working, and I'm learning how to do what's best for me and minimize the guilt complex. It's so great and so refreshing. It's slow going sometimes, but I am making progress. It relieves a lot of stress in my life, which is good.

Thank you all for being wonderful friends. If you're still reading, props to you. You're amazing.


Tolkien Boy said...

I'm currently sitting in a stuffy, overcrowded bedroom because I'm also too accomodating.

The other room is completely empty.

Yeah, I think I know where you're coming from.

Saule Cogneur said...

I'm starting to feel like I should do the opposite. I should try to be more accomodating these days.

The trouble is that I thrive on opposition, and it turns out that most people get tired of it after a while.


ambrosia ananas said...

You're not a registered Democrat? Gosh. I don't know if we can be friends anymore.

Sorry I missed your call. I'm going to be out of state for the next week, but I'll talk to you when I get back?

JB said...

Purple's great. I have learned to be more purple and I feel less...weasily? Something. Anyway, I'm more open about things. And I try not to talk politics with people lately if/when I can help it.

Except with the extreme Republican/Conservatives... I LOVE talking politics with them, but usually only when I'm in an especially combative mood...*evil grin*