Boys at BYU

After our event last night at Job2, "Jenni" was talking about her freshman boys that she had liked her first year at the Y and how they were all either gone or leaving on missions, and "I just don't know what I'm going to do about the RMs."

Jenni is probably 5'8" or 9" (I'm bad at guessing height), is thin, has long legs, long curly hair, gorgeous eyes and a darling smile. She's gorgeous. She's also really nice. And 19. After mentioning that I had gone to BYU for two years before transferring, and that I had something of a theory on dating down there, she perked up and started asking me lots of questions. So, I imparted what I'd noticed and tried to piece together. I'm going to be making some pretty broad generalizations here, so don't be too offended if you don't fit. Most of the people reading my blog probably don't, anyway.

***Guys can stop reading here.***

I've noticed that guys tend to be 50% chicken and 50% very, very cocky. They also like being in charge. They also often act like kids in a candy shop, since there are so many attractive girls around. They like knowing whether or not a girl is interested.

While I was there, I was not great at masking if I was interested in a guy or not. I kept hearing a lot of advice to women: "Men are not-so-smart and quite oblivious. If you like a guy, let him know!!" In case anyone's wondering, this does not work. It seems to threaten the guy's masculinity, and more importantly, strips the "chase" aspect of things. All of a sudden, the guy no longer needs to "waste" time on you, because he already knows you like him. You may have become part of his "harem." (I'm also pretty convinced that if a guy has at least half a brain, half a sense of drive, is relatively good looking and at least a little talented, he will have no less than five women following him around.) The 50% chicken comes in when he "knows" (or thinks he knows) that you're not interested at all. Instead of pursuing to find out, he'll jump ship. (This isn't necessarily a bad thing, as there are plenty of men who can't take a hint.)

Also, during my time there, I really did not have a firm sense of self. Like, really really did not have a firm sense of self. So, if I heard my latest crush talking about something that he preferred or didn't like or whatever, I would take that to heart and adapt as immediately as I could. I still do this to a smaller degree. However, what I didn't realize is that a lot of guys like it when you challenge them on things. They like it when you have your own opinions about things, and reasons why. I think guys were subconsciously picking up on my willingness to become what I thought they wanted me to be. Girls, don't do this. I'm pretty sure they also picked up on my subconscious "Dang, I'd realllllly like to be in A relationship."

Another part of the 50% chicken is that you can flirt like MAD with most guys in Provo, and they will not ask you out. (It was really odd when I moved. I could have a great conversation, sparkage and all, and guys would actually *gasp* ask for my phone number! Can you imagine? Not only that, they'd actually CALL! It was amazing.)

So, since I didn't have to worry about actually being asked out, I decided to test my hypothesis. Next time I was around a guy, I would give 50% "I'm TOTALLY into you" vibes and 50% "Ehh....I'm not so sure" vibes. On a more personal note, I had also done a lot of soul-searching, and had gained a much much firmer sense of self. I also told my subconscious to change its opinion. My conscious and subconscious were on the same page: "My life is just fine without you. Why would I need you around, anyway?" (Just giving off that vibe does wonders. )

Voila! It was amazing. The poor soul couldn't tell if I was interested or not. I'd definitely piqued his curiosity, but he wasn't gutsy enough to do anything about it. (In all honesty, I can't even remember who it was. I just remembered the reaction.) I was surprised and pleased with the results, and decided to keep trying it out. It kept working.

Since discovering this and putting it to use, I have not lacked for male friends or interests. Yes, it even works on non-BYU guys. Thankfully, I don't need to employ this anymore. I do still need to be careful, though, as I'm told that I'm flirtatious even when I'm not trying.

Anyway, the conversation with Jenni ended something like this:

Jenni: "Okay, that's awesome, and I understand all of that, but now what I'm concerned with is how do I get the date in the first place?"

Me: "Trust me, hon. You won't need to worry about that."

Maybe she will. She is, after all, nice.