9/29/2005
Floating Puzzle Pieces.
Right now, I feel like my life is composed of a bunch of different puzzle pieces that are floating around. I'm trying to make them fit together in some sort of sensical fashion, but they refuse to comply. Argh. It's weird...I feel good and like I'm supposed to be in Salt Lake, but I feel the same thing about Provo (without attending BYU). Some times, I wonder why I'm in Salt Lake. Some times, I wonder why I'm NOT in Salt Lake. Part of me really, really, really wants to move down to Utah County, but it doesn't make logistical sense. How would commuting be? I would drive to Sandy and take TRAX....what about a job? What about an apartment? I pay MUCH better rent than I will probably ever find in Orem/Provo. Or Salt Lake. The nice thing would be that I could live wherever I wanted, since I don't have the Honor Code thing going on. *shrug* More later. Any insights, anyone? I want something to be different, or something feels like it needs to change, but I don't know what. Gah!
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6 comments:
y'know, if you do move back to happy valley, give me a jingle, I'm looking for a place to live, and I don't have to abide by the Honor Code either. :)
sometimes the things that make the least sense, are the things we feel we have to do. Go with what feels best, and good luck!
Does it seem like something you need to bring about yourself? Or something that is about to happen but you need to have the impetus, the reason, the catalyst first?
I think I once told you I felt that way about SLC. Like, I was going back up there for a while before I go to grad school (IF I go) and such. Hang out there a lot, live there, I dunno.
So, I've decided we're destined for each other. Your town or mine? My family and your school in SLC, your family and my school down here. Choices, choices...
Anyway, I don't think I'm going to move up there unless something is quite clearly up there for me, whether it's necessary free rent or a woman or job or whatever. (All the above?)
Perhaps it's the same for you. Otherwise, we'll gladly be welcoming you back down here, that's for sure.
Sometimes free writing in my journal helps me figure out what's simmering in my brain. I used to keep a journal in a "won't my kids be proud to read this" way, and now I keep one in a "wow, this is starts at R-rated and goes downhill..." way. S* got me started; he said to write about the things I look forward to, and the things I don't want to think about. Many profanities and randomnesses later, I can usually get a hint about what it is, and sometimes it immediately leaps down into the pen.
Sometimes "feeling" like you need a change just means you are burnt out and need some down time. I wouldn't sweat it too much for the time being and just let it sit for a week or so. True "needs" don't change with emotions, time of day, or level of fatigue. In the end, does moving 40 miles south really buy you that much?
Well, here's the thing: Toasteroven, you're pretty close to being right. I've been coming down fairly frequently to spend time with family, swing dance, see my brother's show, and wish that I could spend more time with BB people. This requires a lot of gas, which is fairly expensive right now.
For a while now, I've been feeling like I need to audition for A Christmas Carol at Hale Center Theater Orem (hereafter abbreviated as HCTO). I don't know why. Well, on Tuesday I saw Beauty and the Beast again (which is why I didn't return your call, Lunkwill. Sorry...), and the stage manager will be managing Christmas Carol and was practically begging me to audition. She signed me up for a time after Beast was over. Being in the show makes NO logical sense, but I keep thinking about it. So, I figure I'll audition, and IF I get in, I'll start crossing more bridges at that point.
I'm sure that if that's what I'm supposed to be doing and where I'm supposed to be that everything will work out. (And then you and I can explore this "destiny" thing, Toasteroven. ;D ...or should I say "density"?)
I've come to the conclusion over several different experiences that God knows what's best. If I'm supposed be in Christmas Carol, and if I'm supposed to be living in Provo, it'll work out somehow. We'll see.
Thanks for the advice, all...keep it coming. :)
Hah!
Smurfman says "If ever you say 'I am your density' or 'It is your dennnnnsity!' no one will challenge the fact that you said 'density' and not 'destiny'".
Just because he says that, I think it's true. But I wouldn't otherwise.
Hehe.
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