Just to clarify somewhat...

Okay. I've had two of my good guy friends express fear because of my "disgusting" post. Let me clarify. I had a very specific guy from my ward in mind when I wrote that post. Aside from the general creepiness of being around him and watching how he watches women, I had a bad experience this summer with a different guy. I'm going to write the details not so you'll all feel bad for me, but just so that you have an idea of where I'm coming from.

I was at work, and noticed a cute Latino guy talking with his friend. (I don't necessarily have anything against Latinos in general, but the culture plays into this, I think.) I'll call him LG for short. LG and I started talking/flirting, and he'd ask me questions. I randomly threw in a Spanish answer just for fun to see if he'd pick up on it. He did. Flirting increased. His friend "left" for a moment, and so LG asked me if I'd like to go to lunch on campus a couple of days later after I got off of work. I was flattered and said yes. (I was also thinking that I liked the fact that it was only lunch and it was on campus, so I didn't have to feel too worried about it.)

On the day specified, he showed up toward the end of my shift, dressed very nicely, and he smelled great. I was excited. He had told me during the previous conversation that he was working full time for the U while finishing his degree, and he was running a very successful business. As we were walking away from my work, he asked if it was alright if the plans changed a bit. He said that he had made appointments with his clients, but would I mind coming along since he also wanted to spend time with me? I agreed, and we then got on TRAX and went to Gateway mall. As we were waiting for the train, we were chatting, and I happened to mention that I was 21. He freaked out. He's 32. He had asked me out under the assumption that I was 25-ish.

We met with his clients, who were fascinating individuals, at A Restaurant. I didn't really eat much at all, since I'd eaten on my break at work. We walked around after that. We went to the movie theatre, thinking we might get tix for later, but we didn't (thank Heaven). As we were talking, he would mention and I would mention from time to time that he was conflicted. He was liking me a lot, but was still freaked out about the age difference. (I can see why, but my ex-boyfriend will turn 30 next month. 32's not a big leap from that, and LG's doing a lot better in many ways than my ex-boyfriend.) After walking around for a while, he asked me if it would be okay if we went back to his place so we could drop off his laptop, and then decide what we wanted to do. I hesitated slightly, but agreed. (Oh, and the reason we took TRAX was that he had recently sold his Mercedes, but the new one he was going to buy wasn't out yet.)

As we were on the train, it was very apparent that we had some good chemistry going on. He's a major flirt, and I can hold my own, so it was a lot of fun. (I should also probably mention that he *is* LDS, and served a mission in Mexico, but in a different part than where he's actually from.)We kept talking about the conflict with tons of chemistry and enjoying being around each other, but the large age difference. We got to his place (he lives in grad student dorms for the med school, but he's not in med school), and he invited me in. He offered me some water, since we'd been walking around in really hot weather. (For those of you who are thinking, Duh, Cinderella!!!, I was very aware of what was going on, and was being very cautious. Plus, there were so many other apartments in the building that I was making sure I'd be okay.) I didn't relax. He turned on some music on his computer, and we were sitting opposite each other, in chairs. We kept talking about books on his desk, about whatever. He just sort of kept *looking* at me, which was flattering in a sense, but I was also trying to be cautious. He sort of stopped and said, "Cinderella, you're like, the coolest girl I've ever met." I said "Thank you," and he leaned over and gave me a hug. I like hugs. A lot. A few seconds later, he hugged me again, and held it there for a bit. It was really nice. We sat back and were talking some more, and once again, he leans forward for a hug, holds it, and starts kissing my neck (I'm cringing, just writing this). I'm weirded out by this, so I pull away, naturally. Funny... conversation really starts lagging after this. *rolls eyes* this happens a couple of times. He comes in for another hug AGAIN , but this time tries to kiss me on the mouth....and it was GROSS. I don't let him. I pull away. I'm really getting annoyed by this point. (YES, I know this sounds terribly naive, but I'd been VERY careful to never put myself in a position where this would have even been an option. I'd never experienced this side of it before.) A couple of minutes later, he tries again. I immediately stiffen, and put my hands up and sit back in my chair, to let him know that this isn't okay. While all of this is going on, I'm trying to suggest things like, "Why don't we walk to my place, and I'll introduce you to my roommates," "Why don't we go back down to the Gateway," "Let's go for a walk..." etc. His continual response: "No, it's too hot outside. Let's just stay here." After I stiffen and let him know that "No," he backs off and says, "Okay, okay, I won't kiss you." I give a very stiff "thank you," and attempt to resume conversation. Well, that killed it. I keep making suggestions, but to no avail. All he'll do is *look* at me. No conversation, no doing something different. 2 minutes later, he's trying to kiss me again. Finally I just get bored, and I'm fed up, so I say, "Oh, look at the time. I need to go home and practice." So I get up, walk out his door, and am standing in front of the elevator.

He comes out and says, "What's going on?? Why did you just storm out of my apartment??" I don't think I stormed out. I had just walked out. What was the big deal? I said, "Well, why don't you come walk with me, and we can talk about it." "Come on....I just want a reason. What's going on?" "Come walk with me, and we can talk about it." "But, but then I'd have to, like, go get my keys and turn off the music on my computer." "So...*sarcastic voice* go get your keys, turn off your music, and let's go." "No, just come back. I promise I won't kiss you." "No. Come walk with me." We go back and forth for 3 or 4 minutes. Finally, I said, "Okay, here's the thing: I'm a very touch-oriented person. As such, I'm very, very careful about who I'll let touch me, how, and where." He nodded, as though he'd heard that excuse before. "Oh, okay. Well, I just needed a reason." "Oh, okay. Well, I do need to go." "Okay." "Well...do you want to at least walk me to the TRAX station?" "Eh.....I think I'll stay here." "Okay, bye."

I push the button on the elevator and wait for it, while praying that he doesn't come back out of his apartment. He doesn't. I leave the building and am walking toward the train station. I didn't even get on. I just kept walking and walking. At first my response was, "Huh. What a weird experience. I've never experienced anything like that before." Kept walking and walking. By the time I'd walked all the way to the Institute (it's a pretty good distance!), it had dawned on me what had happened and what could have happened, and I was UPSET. I have never felt so cheapened in my life. When I got to the Institute, I called my roommate, and she came and got me.

He didn't come back in the next day, but he did try and come back in the following Monday. I gave him the coldest shoulder I possessed, and haven't seen him since.

While it was scary, and I hope I never have to do that again, I learned a lot. I also have a lot to be thankful for. I'm so thankful that it was during the middle of the afternoon, so I could leave and walk to the Institute without having to worry about my safety. I'm thankful that he didn't come back out of his apartment. I'm SO thankful that while we were still in there that he didn't use physical force. SO THANKFUL. God really was watching out for me. I realized when I got home and had a little time to process it that had I been willing, or maybe had I stayed there long enough, we would have had sex. That thought really, really scares/d me...that he would have so little respect for a Daughter of God that....ew. Yeah.

So that's my story. If you've had to go through this, or something worse, my heart goes out to you. If you haven't, may God grant that you never do.

Again, this is not to make you feel sorry for me. I'm a stronger person because of it. I'm also a LOT more careful with all males. It's not personal, and I'm getting over it. Even writing this blog, though hard, helped. Thank you for your patience.


Saule Cogneur said...

I don't think the issue was lack of respect. It's never about how little or how much he cares about you. It's about how selfish he is. He's not thinking about you, and he's not not thinking about you. You're just there. Luckily, he wasn't a total creep and still had the decency to respect your wishes once you broke him out of the "I'm the only person on the planet" reality. I guess it's lucky for him too...

ambrosia ananas said...

I'm glad nothing else happened, dear.

Cinderella said...

Thanks, guys. Thanks for reading that post. I didn't really mean for it to be so long.

Saule, that makes sense. I would just think a general respect for people, not necessarily ME, but I guess I thought incorrectly. It was definitely an experience.

Brozy, thanks. I'm glad as well.

tiblittle said...

Who is this guy and can I break his legs? We'll sick the whole women's hockey team on him.

JB said...

I'm with Tiblittle on this one. Ew. I'm sorry, dear, I didn't realize how nasty this whole situation really was! It gave me the jibblies. ::jibblies::

Tolkien Boy said...

Well played. I'm glad you walked out. Not everyone would have shown the courage.