It's a mix.

Take confusion, a bad taste in the mouth (figuratively), peace, happiness in family and a few friends, disappointment, happiness from the performance, impatience, hope, and mix them all together. That's how I'm feeling at the moment.

It's kind of odd.

I had a great conversation Monday night. It was interesting, and I've been thinking about it a lot today.

The Sabrina soundtrack, for the umpteenth time, does wonders for my soul.

Asante Sana Squash Banana

Life is good. *content sigh*

On another note, I bought Michael Buble's "It's Time" yesterday. Yum.

"It's a very nice ball..."

"...and?"
"And... *gasp* When I entered, they trumpeted."
"And, the prince?"
"Oh, the prince?"
"Yes, the prince!"
"Well, he's tall."

My date last night was fine. Not wonderful, not bad. Fine. He's a very nice guy, and we had a great time with the other couple, but there wasn't sparkage.

I'm losing patience with dating in general. I have a date with a guy that I go to school with next Friday, but after that, I don't think I'll go on dates for a while. I have more important things to do like practicing my flute, and things I'd rather do like swing dance. I'm tired of the awkwardness. I'm tired of feeling bad about guys spending money on me. Why does dating have to feel so formal?

SchoolGuy and I had an interesting phone conversation after my date left last night. One of the things that I told him was that I hate being externally forced to do things. After five months of dating my exboyfriend, I discovered that the guy is *passionate* about politics. Since I had been apathetic, I would get my ears talked off for HOURS and HOURS about politics and all the issues that were going on, etc. It was funny how I immediately wanted to register myself as a Democrat and research all the liberal opinions so I could throw them at him, whether or not I actually believed them. He also believed that a married couple could not be 'completely unified in all things' if they didn't feel the same way politically. I do not believe that you have to be conservative and/or Republican to be a good member of the Church. He did/does. I mentioned a few of these things to SchoolGuy last night, and he told me that he used to think that Democrats couldn't be good members of the Church, but that he doesn't feel that way any more. He also told me that he used to feel that passionately about politics but doesn't "as much." ("Right," I think. "You're just attracted to me and don't want to offend me.") Politics don't matter to me. Since they don't, I can't come up with an intrinsic reason to feel any particular way, which will make me resentful when someone tries to force me. He also mentioned that his parents feel that his marrying a staunch Democrat would be almost as bad as marrying someone outside of the Church.

Why can't I just be my own person? Why do I have to be so green and so accomodating? This is why I'm out to become more purply/red without having my guilt kick in. I keep telling editorgirl that I flip purple around her, which is good. Very good. Very healthy. It's actually working, and I'm learning how to do what's best for me and minimize the guilt complex. It's so great and so refreshing. It's slow going sometimes, but I am making progress. It relieves a lot of stress in my life, which is good.

Thank you all for being wonderful friends. If you're still reading, props to you. You're amazing.

To clarify:

My last post had two separate thoughts. My date tomorrow has nothing to do with the 'feeling safe' comments. If I felt unsafe, I would have declined. I think it will be great.

The safety thoughts came as I was contemplating the different guys in my life and why I have either retained or lost attraction to them, and I realized that almost all of the reasons boil down to 'safety.' I try, however, to not pass judgment until at least the first date. *shrug* Every case is different.

It's all about feeling safe, guys.

The trick? It's all about feeling safe. Literally and figuratively speaking.

I'm wondering if I should have declined politely for Friday. I'm sure he'll be great company, but I'm not sure I'm up to par. I will go. It will be great. I'll be okay by then. I'm hoping, anyway.

Happy New Year

Today I:

Made Ham and Potato Soup
Went grocery shopping
Was flirted with by the clerk at the grocery store
Watched Cinderella
Made a good attempt at avoiding my oncoming cold
Sang

Will try to:
Practice flute
Pick up my room